Category Archives: life

Eating and Living Healthy…and the Guilt that comes with it!

18 Wednesday Aug 2010

Posted by in health, home, life, thoughts

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In walked Liz, holding a rectangular box I recognized all too quickly. Chocolate covered macadamia nuts. Oh. My. Goodness. I love chocolate. I love chocolate covered macadamia nuts. I think I love them a little bit more because I don’t eat them all the time, kind of like ferrero rocher or almond roca. I love each and every one of those.
So what’s the big deal? The big deal, is that as soon as I see that box, I start having an internal dilemma of massive proportions. If Liz had walked in with that box of chocolates a month before, I would have had that chocolate in the pit of my stomach before she put the box down on the kitchen counter. But a month makes a big difference.

In an attempt to lead a healthier life, and to possibly, maybe, look a little better for our upcoming trip to Vegas, we’ve been trying to eat healthier food, and we’ve been going to the gym and trying to get into a workout routine. For those of you who know me, this may sound virtually impossible. But I’ve actually been pretty good. I’m not crazy about food or eating, but I love eating whatever I want, whenever I want it. My body isn’t perfect, but I’ve also been lucky enough to never have to really watch what I eat to maintain a decent shape. But I’ve also never had the body I want. I’m not trying to lose a crazy amount of weight, I’d actually be happy with losing maybe five. But I do want to tone up certain parts of my body, especially the belly. The belly that I swore I would get rid of every Summer in high school (“people won’t even know who I am when I got back to school!”), but still have, haha.
Here’s my beef with eating healthy and working out: it makes me feel guilty about everything I eat! Now that I’m seeing the changes in my body that healthy eating and a regular workout routine can do in a matter of weeks, I feel guilty every time I eat a piece of chocolate or a hamburger. And this is where Liz and her box come in: one month ago, I wouldn’t have cared about calories, or how long I’d have to run on the treadmill to even that out. I wouldn’t have thought twice about my desire to have one. I just would’ve had one. But back in present time, I feel guilty. Should I? Or shouldn’t I? Should I be good, or should I indulge? Do I really deserve to eat that? Will I have time to go to the gym after this? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!
I will confess: I had one that night. And then I snuck in another one. But it’s ok, I still hadn’t trained myself very well to resist the temptation. Jeff’s mom ended up sending the box of chocolates to my house a couple days later…and I let them sit there. And there they sat, on our kitchen counter. Staring. Glaring. But I stood my ground. Out of an almost full box, I ate only one.
I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to keep this going…but I’m gonna try to keep it up.

Some Armstrong Updates

16 Monday Aug 2010

Posted by in life, updates, work

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We have had and have coming up some pretty exciting things this Summer. My coworker Rama got married, followed by our good friend Abby, and coming up in a couple weeks, Julian and Erika will tie the knot! Jeff and I also got to meet up with Aaron and Dana, who we hadn’t seen in forever. Dana and I met in college, and I’m glad that we’ve kept our friendship going through the years. I think the best part of meeting up was noticing how well Jeff and Aaron got along. I just wish they lived closer!

In other exciting news, Jeff started working! He was able to get in touch with an old manager from Diedrich’s, and is now working at a different coffee shop with that same manager. It’s not a dream job, but it’s definitely going to help us out a lot. Direct Loans is going to be happy, at least (sigh). What sucks, though, is that he’s going to be working closing shifts. This means that when I’m leaving work at 5pm, he’s leaving the house to go to work. When I’m getting ready to go to bed at 10pm, he’s closing up the store, when I’m getting ready to leave to work at 7:30am (ok, let’s be realistic, 7:40-ish), he’s sleeping. Our real challenge will be this week, his first week working nights: he’ll be closing Monday through Thursday.
Looking at the positive: I’m excited to come visit him at work (much like he used to do for me when I was working at Starbucks when we were first dating), and maybe work on some side projects I have going on. I honestly miss taking my lap top to a coffee shop and accomplishing work, both of which I don’t do very much anymore. I usually come home to Jeff and am content to just sit on the couch, go for a walk, figure out dinner, and lounge together. Going to visit him and maybe take him dinner will get me more motivated to get back on my lap top and work on fundraising and research ideas I’ve had for the past several months.
Here’s to a new and challenging time of our lives.

Rebellion…or defeat?

28 Wednesday Jul 2010

Posted by in life, thoughts, work

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I’ve never been one for formal. Or suits. I’m still not quite sure what fork to use at fancy events. I detest having to wear heels. I feel a bit awkward around a bunch of strangers who think (and probably are right) they are smarter than me. That being said, the legal field was probably not the best place for me! My first suit was purchased my senior year in college. From Pinky’s (think, Forever 21). My suits since there were from the same kind of discount stores or Target. Not that there’s anything wrong with them, but they’re not quite “power” suits. I didn’t get one of those until my second year in law school, when Katie and I had one of our ADR competitions. I was surprised at how much of a difference it made, even if it was just to me personally. I felt more comfortable, like my fellow law students and attorneys weren’t judging me for wearing a $40 suit.

I remember working with a non profit attorney for one of my volunteer opportunities, and going to her office for a meeting to review the work I had been doing. She was wearing a super cute skirt, flats, and a cardigan sweater over her shirt. Cue the chimes and angels coming out of heavenly clouds. (Sidenote: it just took me two minutes to remember what those white things in the sky are called. Clouds. They’re called clouds. Go me.) That’s the kind of attorney I want to be. The one that’s comfortable with whatever she wears, and who doesn’t let a power suit define her intelligence or her comfort. And who works in a field where it’s ok.
I’ve been testing these boundaries at work lately. I don’t have to go to court much anymore, so there’s no need for a full suit, but definitely business casual attire. I’ve been wearing my flats and skirts every now and then, and I cherish those days. I should be clear: what I love about these outfits is that you accessorize them, and they become quite fancy, not totally casual. AND, I would never dream of wearing this to court. I would not want to appear before a judge in anything less than full attorney-combat attire. Anyhow, a couple weeks ago I had to attend a continuing legal education course for attorneys. I woke up that morning knowing exactly where I had to go in the evening. Knowing that I would be surrounding by individuals in their power suits, briefcases and high heels. I went to my closet…and decided it was going to be one of my cherished days. I went for the skirt and flats, black cardigan. This was my moment of rebellion. No power suit for me. Not gonna lie…I was proud of myself the whole day at work for making whatever assertion I thought I was making. Even parking my car outside the venue. Even walking through registration. At this point, I could already feel everyone looking at me like I was crazy. It didn’t help that my co-worker had saved me a seat…at the very front…right next to the beloved panel speakers…including a judge. I think the worst was having to make the small talk as five of us waited for the waiters to refill the coffee. I was waiting for them to ask: “So….did you forget you were coming here tonight?” Rebellion. Failure.
I’m still confused. I know I don’t need clothing to tell me who I am, but what if it’s just part of the gig? Was I disrespecting all attorneys present by wearing what I wanted? Am I a disgrace to attorneys everywhere? haha, I gotta laugh at that one, mostly because I don’t know that I would care much if I was. I would be embarrassed, but that’s about it. I think it’s easier to get away with more comfortable clothing in a non profit sector then say…bankruptcy law…but at least I tried. For one day…I stood my ground.

College Glory Days

26 Saturday Jun 2010

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Have any of you gone back to your college campus and just felt…..old? I remember going to the UCSB campus with Jeff when we first started dating, almost four years ago. I was so excited, since I hadn’t been there since graduation. Mind you, at this point it had only been a little over a year since I had graduated. And yet, things felt so weird. For one, you no longer have the same connection to the campus. It’s not your campus anymore, you’re not walking to class, or rushing to work at the poli sci department, or going to some club meeting. Nope, you’re just a stranger walking by, an alumni trying to relive your glory days! What weirds me out the most is how old you feel by it. I honestly don’t “feel” very different from one I graduated, or for when I started college, for that point. But I look at college kids these days and they just look so darn YOUNG! In my mind, I’m not that much older, not that much more mature (weeeeeeeell, this one can be argued), not that much different from where these college kids are in their life, and yet, I am. It’s a crazy realization, huh?

Eras of Friendships

26 Saturday Jun 2010

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Here’s what I love about bridal showers, bachelorette parties, baby showers, etc.: you get to meet the different groups of friends of the person being celebrated. For my wedding festivities, there were the high school friends (Bhavini, thank you for representing!), the undergrad grup, the law school group, the Starbucks group, the work group, etc. It may cause a little bit of an anxiety attack to think of all these groups meeting, and wondering how they will mingle, but it’s also absolutely amazing to see all of your closest friends, from all walks of life, together in one place.

I’ve been able to experience this several times, most recently at a co-workers bridal shower, and it never fails to amaze me. Every group has their own personality: the high school friends may be a little crazier than the law school folks, some maybe more social than others, but you can get a glimpse of what your friend’s life was like during that period of time. I’m looking forward to many of these occasions in the next two Summers ;)

Part of the lawschool group at the Bui’s wedding:

High school and college reps at my bridal shower:
Some of my Starbucks ladies (bearing an intense sun…)


It’s the Graduation time of the Year

13 Sunday Jun 2010

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I had the honor of attending a good friend’s college graduation yesterday (congrats Julian!). I say it was an honor because it was one of those graduations where they limit the amount of people you can invite (which is ridiculous, and I’m glad that didn’t happen at mine-my family would have been up in arms), and I was lucky enough to be included with the family and Brookie. Anyhow, I digress.

We had managed to get through the parking situation, finding the location of the graduation, finding our seats (yes, there were actually assigned seats), remembering that we wanted to pick up a couple programs, adjusting camera settings to make sure we captured all important and non-important moments in the correct lighting, and starting to “observe” what everyone else was wearing at said event. I was taking some intro pictures to the stage and set up, and all of a sudden it hit me: it’s been five years (pretty much to the day) since I graduated from UCSB. Holy crap. Five years. I tried to remember what was going through my mind as I graduated that fateful day, five years ago. What was I hoping to accomplish in life? What did I want to do with my life? Have those thoughts changed at all? What I could remember, and very clearly, was how I felt, physically.
~~~
Definitely hung over. I remember napping on Sheena’s shoulder during someone’s commencement speech. The night before we had celebrated Ana’s birthday, as well as our Chicano/Latino Graduation. My mom and grandmother had come into town that day and were staying at my place. Needless to say, a little more than awkward to stumble into my own apartment at 4 a.m. with mom and grandma sleeping in my room. Ah…college. I honestly don’t know what I wanted at that point in my life. Law school had crossed my mind, but not seriously. I was excited to move back home. I wanted to find a job. I was afraid of jumping into the real world. Sometimes I think I still am.
~~~
Fast forward past the procession into the stadium, all the graduates taking seats, Erika, Brooke and I clumsily trying to get some close up pictures of Julian…finally settling into our seats for the next hour or so of speeches. I wonder what Julian is thinking, other than ridiculously happy and proud of himself! And aside from being annoyed with the chosen student speaker (I might save that for another blog entry). All I know for sure is that he could see the happiness and pride we all felt for him. Including his dad:

I can’t believe how quickly life passes you by. Five years have come and gone, and although I’m extremely happy with what I’ve done in those years, there’s so much more I still want to accomplish with my life. I hope the next five years are as productive, if not more, than the last five.

Positive Outlook: retry

04 Friday Jun 2010

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Sooooo, story of my life, money is in short supply. As our rent was due today, it was a rough day, financially speaking. A special thanks to a little angel who helped us out big time today.

There are so many things up in the air right now, that it’s hard to find stability in something. On my way to tutoring tonight I just kept telling myself: you could be worse, things could be worse. I freak out and obsess over our lack of money, but I know I need to focus on the love and stability that we have. I need to remember there are people dealing with much worse than financial troubles, and people who live off of much less than I do. So maybe we need to downsize, so what? People live with less. People live. And these people are happy.

Prepare for landing

23 Sunday May 2010

Posted by in career, Haiti, life, thoughts, work

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Yesterday was two weeks since I returned from my trip. I think I’ve mentioned before that my body did not react so well to being back to full and comfortable amenities. I started getting the chills as soon as we entered the air conditioned airport in Haiti, and those later developed into a sort of fever on my connecting flight from JFK to LAX. I spent most of Sunday in bed, drifting in and out of sleep. If it hadn’t been mother’s day and the need to see my mother on such an important day, I probably would have stayed in bed all day. I also took Monday to finish recuperating, which was a good thing. A little more sleep, and unbridled access to kleenex was what I needed. I think I still have a few friends in my tummy from Haiti, and I guess I should get that checked out soon. But the idea of going to a clinic and paying for medication (without insurance) doesn’t give me much motivation to go.

The other thing I’m struggling with since coming back is mostly concerned with my career: what I want to do and where I’m going. I honestly think I knew what I wanted to do since I was 10, living in Guatemala. I always wanted to work in a capacity where I could help countries like Guatemala improve their situation, but I never really believed in my ability to do so. Going to Haiti made me realize that performing that kind of work, where you’re directly helping people recover from something traumatic and effecting change (even if on a small level) is exactly the kind of work that makes me happy.

I remember my first night at the HODR camp, our very first meeting. There was a fellow named Ben who was giving his good bye speech. He seemed to be quite a force to be reckoned with. You could tell right away this was an individual who had made a lot of friends, someone who had touched a lot of lives, and someone who had been deeply moved by what he saw in Haiti. I will never forget the words he said that night (aside from his key phrase about being f—g epic, which I believe will live on in the HODR basecamp for the entirety of the program): he spoke about going home, and making his time and his experience in Haiti his “reality,” not his escape from reality. I’m not gonna lie, I thought it was a little cheesy at first: I’m sure everyone has that thought, and I’m sure most people go back home, re-join their old “reality,” and move back into the routine of their normal lives. But after spending my 10 days in Haiti, I totally understood that desire to never forget, to never let yourself slip back into the mundane routine of living as part of the machine of society back home, forgetting that there are people who are living on far less, and in terrible conditions.

After I graduated college, I took a year off to figure out what I wanted to do. I knew at the time that a Master’s degree would probably be more beneficial, but the idea of writing a thesis paper freaked me out, so I though going to law school would be the “easier” academic route. Ha. I failed to consider the prospect of writing over forty pages in research papers, not to count all the practice essays written for bar prep. Live and learn, huh? This isn’t to say I regret going to law school, I’m sure the degree will come in handy, and I met some amazing people that I know will be a part of my life for years to come.

So as Jeff nicely put it, he was still waiting for my plane to land about a week after I landed. My mind has just been constantly thinking about how I want to make Haiti my “reality.” I know the general direction I want to go in, so I’ve been looking into jobs with NGO’s that work in the area of international development, but it seems that in order to get a job there I should have been putting in my time interning and working for free about 8 years ago.

So after two weeks, I think my mind is mostly back. I’m still trying to figure out how to get to where I want to go, and where exactly I want to go. I just know that change has to come from this experience. It might not be in the immediate future, but it’s coming! I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason, and I think this trip was to remind me of what I really want to do, and to give me hope that there’s a way I can achieve that. Where there’s a will, there’s a way…..right?

Haiti Wrap Up

10 Monday May 2010

Posted by in Haiti, life, work

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So I’ve been a little reluctant to write this blog, simply because I don’t want to accept the fact that my trip is done. But here we go….

The People in HODR
I can’t even begin to describe how amazing the people in HODR were. What is great is that there are people from all walks of life, from all sorts of ages, interests, political ideologies, cultures, etc., and they’re all their with the same purpose and intent. As different as we all are, I think there is a certain personality trait that everyone has in common. Most people you know are not too excited about going to a third world country to have bucket showers and eat the same food everyday, and sleep on a wooden bunk. But everyone in HODR is happy to do it, because they see the bigger picture, and they get a personal satisfaction of what they do. During one of my talks with a fellow HODR, we were talking about how silly it felt when people in the US told us how proud they were of us for going on a trip of this sort. I honestly felt/feel guilty when people say this, because I feel like I got more out of this trip than anyone else I may have gone to help. And I think most people who participate in works like this feel the same way. Not to say that everyone was perfect; everyone has their own personality and maybe they don’t connect with everyone, but for the most part, everyone there was doing an amazing job at helping out in whatever way they could.
The People of Haiti
I’ve mentioned this in prior blogs, and it’s the fact that the Haitian people seem quite content to sit back and watch us do work. There is some resentment among the Haitian people for our presence, but I think that’s mostly based on the wrong assumption that we’re getting paid to do the work that we’re doing. I’m sure to them it sounds crazy that a person would agree to work for free; I don’t blame them. But there are definitely people who are thankful for the help that is being provided, and that’s what really matters.
If I had to describe the Haitian people in one word, I might use “loud.” There were definitely times that I could not tell by the sound or tone whether someone was in a good mood or not, because they always seem to talk pretty loudly to each other; I would have to guess the gist of the conversation by looking at facial and hand expressions. There were definitely a few times were I felt I was getting cussed out, and I guess it’s better that I didn’t know what was going on. But they are also such beautiful people. There is something about their skin tone, and the bone structure of their faces, that make them absolutely beautiful. I could probably spend a whole week just taking pictures of them.
The Situation in Haiti
The situation in Haiti is a difficult one. I wish I could say that my work down there really helped out and made a difference, but the reality is that the clearing of one rubble site is nothing compared to what needs to be done. And it’s not just about cleaning up the mess that the earthquake left behind, but instilling certain capabilities that seem basic to us, like running water or a trash collection system. Haiti doesn’t have trash cans, and from what I could tell, no system of disposing your trash. Everyone burns their trash, or dumps it in the local canal or water way. Not necessarily great for sanitation.
The other big challenge right now is communication between the UN, NGO’s, and the government of Haiti, including local government. In Leogane, for example, the mayor’s office stopped attending cluster meetings because they don’t believe their thoughts or opinions are given any attention, and because they feel they are not being told enough about what the NGO’s are doing in Leogane. Cluster meetings are basically a way for all the NGO’s to get together depending on what specific area they are working in, and to communicate with each about what is being done. I think involving the local government is a double edged sword: I think they definitely need to be aware of what is going on in their cities, but it’s also difficult to know how much to involve a local government that is plagued by corruption and which isn’t very efficient on it’s own to begin with. Interesting fact, which I’m not sure if I’ve included in a prior post, but there are people that work in the mayor’s office who have not received a paycheck since December. I guess a few of them have second jobs, and that’s how they make a living, but they keep working at the mayor’s office in the hopes that someday soon money will start coming through the pipeline again, and they’ll get paid for the time worked.
My Final Thoughts
These last couple days back home have been difficult. It’s hard to analyze what you just went through, and see how much you will let that impact what you do with the rest of your life. I don’t want my experience in Haiti to just be something cool that I got to experience, I want it to be something that changes my life for the better, and helps me achieve my goals. Hanging out with people that work at the UN and UNDP was definitely an eye opening experience. They told me they love their jobs, but it’s not an easy job. I know the life I want would not be an easy one, but I can’t tell you guys how ridiculously happy I was every day that I was there, just living life day to day, helping people out a little at a time. It’s hard to come back home and let yourself get carried away by the realities of your daily routine. It was nice talking to Abby today and knowing that I’m not the only one that feels this way: we don’t want to get carried away by our routine, but want to find a way to make what we saw our new reality. We’re actually trying to find a way to make it back there for a longer period of time in a few months. I really hope it works out.
My return hasn’t only been challenging emotionally and professionally, but physically as well. My body has definitely had a more difficult time adjusting to the weather and food back here than it did in Haiti. Not sure why… It’s finally starting to feel a little bit more normal, which is great because I can’t really afford to take any more sick time from work!
All in all, I feel so blessed and lucky to have had this amazing opportunity, and I hope it is just the beginning of something amazing. I can’t thank Abby enough for giving me this opportunity, and for allowing me to share this experience with her–it would not have been the same any other way.

Great News today, times two!

16 Friday Apr 2010

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A couple quick updates that are worth mentioning:

Firstly, Jeff got a job! We’re both soooo very excited about this. Hopefully with two steady incomes, we’ll be able to figure out our finances (and my stupid student loans), and maybe even start saving for a vacation or a home. The great thing about this job is that it offers health insurance, which we both haven’t had in a long time and are really looking forward to (just think about how much cheaper those malaria pills would have been WITH insurance!).
aaaaaaaaaand:
MIKE AND ULI ARE COMING HOME! For those of you unawares, Jeff’s brother, Mike, and his wife, Uli, had to move to Germany at the end of 2008 to take care of some stuff, and they’ve been out there since. Thing is, they also got a little frisky while they were out there and now we have a new member in the family, little Henry (aka, Hank). It’s been pretty terrible not being able to meet the little guy, other than through Skype and Facebook picutures. I know Mike and Uli didn’t make their decision to move back lightly, since there are still a lot of unresolved issues over there, but Jeff and I (not to mention their parents) are beyond stoked to have them and lil Hank in our lives again. Holidays and family time has not been the same since they were gone: although you carry on as if nothing’s wrong, everyone at the dinner table is aware that there are a couple very important people missing. I can’t wait for the dinner table to be full again!
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