Music Corner: The Civil Wars

Came across a great band on NPR today. During the interview they were asked how they came up with their name, to which the female singer responded something to the effect of how anytime you put the word “civil” in front of something, it kinda means the opposite of it…as in, there’s nothing “civil” about war. She brought it back to how we each have these inner wars and tensions which are reflected in a lot of their lyrics, whether in relationships, addictions, etc. Kinda random, but I thought it was a cool anecdote to share before blowing your minds.

“Dance me to the end of Love”
“Falling.” Picks up to epic proportions after about the second minute (in my humble opinion)
“Barton Hollow.” An actual produced video, sound is a little different but still great.
Probably not the best stuff to listen to if you just got dumped…but definitely worth a listen if you’re not an emotional basket case.

My Husband is an Artist!


It’s been almost five years since Jeff and I met, and ever since then I’ve been telling him he needs to market his art because it’s great. It’s not “mainstream” so his market is specific, but that doesn’t mean he’s not incredibly talented. Because he is :)

Our friend Dan told Jeff about an art show that took place in March, and it finally gave Jeff the push he needed to get the ball rolling and start selling his stuff. I felt like such a proud mom watching him sell his stuff and seeing how exciting it was for him. Another great outcome about this art show is the recent inspiration it’s given him to start painting again. It’s been a while since he painted something new, so I’m excited to see what new ideas get painted onto the canvasses we have laying around.
Hopefully this art show will only be the first of many more to come…stay tuned! Until then, here’s a preview of what he’s done so far:
I have my theory about this girl, who she is and why she is the way she is.

This is my absolute favorite. It’s the only original I forbid him to sell.


This one I love not only because of the color scheme, but also the sheer size of the original.
This is another one of my favorites. It’s so different from anything I’ve seen him paint before: just splashes of color and chaos. Love it.
You can check out the rest of his stuff on Etsy, and definitely check back for new stuff in the next few months :)

In Detail: Easter in Guatemala

Not MY details…but Expat Mom’s details. She has two great blog posts about Easter in Guatemala with pictures and a great explanation about the order of the procession.

The first post shows how the carpets have been altered in lieu of the crappy economy, as well as pictures of the spectators and vendors.
The second post gives a detail of the order of the procession, which is something I was trying to remember when I wrote my blog entry.

April 22-24th, 2011


So I think I found a solution to my fast and cheap dilemma: Native Foods Cafe. It’s right down the street from my work, so I decided to check it out during my lunch on Friday. SCORE. For $10 I got a delicious chicken wrap with possibly the most amazing iced tea I’ve ever had. I’m not sure that my selections in the future will be “healthy” per se, given that they have nachos and cheesy fries on the menu, BUT they are made with organic and local ingredients…”whenever possible.” Gotta love fine print. But for sure it’s less processed than the crap I would otherwise eat. All their stuff is made fresh every day, which is a nice change.

Saturday we went on an outdoor rock climb at Ortega Falls. It was my first serious outdoor climb and it was absolutely amazing. I was scared shitless when I first got there, and had serious doubts about my ability to make it through the day, but by miracles and endless encouragement from Jeff and the boys, I survived! I only did three climbs, but my body is sore today beyond belief. The climbs, individually, are much longer than what I’m used to in the gym, and they’re definitely more challenging physically. My greatest accomplishment: not giving up, haha. There were definitely parts of a climb where I got stuck and had no idea how I was going to keep moving up, and towards the end my arms just felt like noodles. But I was able to shove my shoe or arm into some crevice or crack and finagle my way up. I think I fell in love with those rocks on Saturday. It made me more excited than nervous for our upcoming trip to Joshua tree this weekend.
On a side note, I love how much time Jeff and I have been spending out doors these past few weekends. I’ve kept most of my Haiti-tan, and it’s just nice to enjoy the outdoors. Saturday I wasn’t climbing most of the time since we all switched turns and took breaks, but it was nice to just BE outside…enjoying the sun and waterfall…I can’t believe I haven’t done stuff like this more often before. #fail.
Dinner that night was Wahoo’s due to our sheer exhaustion, but I did forego my desire of chicken and cheese enchilada’s and instead went for the bonzai bowl–but only because Jeff was there to keep me from ordering fatty enchiladas. Not sure how much healthier a bonzai bowl is…but just minus cheese has to be something, right? Maybe I’m just trying to make myself feel better about myself. Oh well.
Today wasn’t a good day in either the eating or active part on our resolution, although I think yesterday’s workout was enough for the weekend. Since we went climbing all day yesterday we never made it to the farmer’s market which I’ve been itching to go to, so we had few options as to what to cook today. Hopefully we’ll be able to re-stock and cook some good stuff at home this week. ALSO, I ordered a couple cook books last week and I’m excited to start cooking off of those….I’m dorkily excited about that.

Charity of the Month: 50/50 Vertical Challenge for First Descents

Kayaking 50,000 vertical feet over six months. That’s what Ross and Brianne are doing this Summer. Kinda puts your plans to shame already, huh? And you still don’t know why they’re doing it! Let’s backtrack a little.
First Descents (“FD”) is a non-profit organization located in Colorado, with the simple, yet powerful, mission to empower young adults with cancer. Yep, the C word. In their own words:
“First Descents is committed to curing young adults of the emotional effects of cancer and empowering them to regain control of their lives by experiencing outdoor adventure therapy through kayaking, rock climbing and other outdoor adventure sports.”
FD accomplishes this by providing summer camp for young adults at no cost. It works entirely off of volunteers and donations. This is where Ross and Brianne come back in. I first met Brianne outside the airport in Port au Prince last year as we waited for our shuttle to drive us to the Hands On Disaster Response base in Leogane. This Spring she will continue to dedicate her time and energy to another great cause by raising money to help cover costs for 50 young adults with cancer. Brianne got involved with FD when her grandmother had just ended radiation and chemotherapy for breast cancer, and when her mother had just been diagnosed. She knows what it’s like to fight cancer. When I asked her why she was doing this for FD, she replied: “FD is an amazing organization that we are proud to help and excited to be a part of. There are not many programs out there that focus on young adults with cancer. A lot of the focus is on children and older adults.” So, six months, 50,000 vertical feet. Why? To spread the word across the US about the work FD is doing, and to help put 50 young adults through Summer camp.
I planned to write more about Brianne, Ross and FD myself, but then Brianne emailed me a speech that her friend Beth gave at a recent FD fundraising ball, and I know more justice is done by letting you read her words rather than mine. It’s lengthy, but I hope you take the time. And I hope you take a look at Ross and Brianne’s fundraising pages which are linked above–100% of the proceeds go to fund people like Beth.
Beth’s Speech

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“Good Evening. My name is Beth Silverman, although these days I go by

Stiletto. When I was asked to speak here this evening, I knew that it

would be a challenge. I knew that I would have to dig deep into my

soul to find the words that could somehow do justice to the elite

group of people gathered here tonight.

And although I am here to tell my story, my story is just one of many.

We all have a story. We all have a diagnosis. We all have the battle

scars that show the war we’ve waged against cancer. A war that some

have won, and some have lost, and others are left hanging in the

balance. Hanging by threads, by cords, by the skin of our teeth,

hanging by our boot straps we hold on and wait for the moment when we

can start living again; When we can peacefully inhabit a world full of

Hope, full of Courage, full of …A CURE. We travel on this path full

of hardships, obstacles, and unsteady terrain, ever swiftly moving,

placing one foot in front of the other– sometimes carefully executed,

other times with reckless abandon. We move through the motions, all

the while waiting for the answers, searching for the lesson.


If you told me the lesson was that fighting cancer would be a metaphor

for paddling a kayak I’d have swiftly kicked your ass with my

stiletto. But, you would have been right. Cancer tried to steal so

many things, and with a paddle and a kayak I stole them back. Cancer

tried to take my life, and First Descents showed me how to reclaim it,

and then live it to the fullest.


Before cancer living life to the fullest came easily for me. I was 26

years old and I ran a $25 million dollar business, while dating one of

Manhattan’s most eligible bachelors. I never got sick. Sick, was for

the vulnerable and the weak, of which I was neither. You can imagine

my shock when a marble sized lump introduced itself to me while I was

taking a shower. Ten days later I had an aggressive form of breast

cancer, and I sat in front of a surgeon who said I’m free on Tuesday,

how bout we take your breasts off then, as she penciled it into her

calendar like it was a lunch date at Nordstrom’s. I met my oncologist

on my 27th birthday. She told me I had a 52% chance of surviving 5

years disease free if I did nothing. Do nothing? Do you know who I

am???


I walked into my first day of chemo in four inch stilettos wearing a

shirt that said “My oncologist is better than yours”. For six months I

graced the oncology floor with my over the top shoe collection,

boisterous laughter, and a slew of funny shirts that summed up how I

was feeling so eloquently. FUCK CANCER, was my favorite.

The guise of humor is what kept me afloat. In between those moments of

laughter and comical cancer shirts I was forced to face the fact that

because of cancer I was now jobless, almost bankrupt, and fighting the

FDA for a lifesaving drug that they didn’t want to give me b/c my

cancer was not yet stage four. Oh, and the eligible bachelor…he

dumped me after my bilateral mastectomies.


Cancer wasn’t playing fair, but I only played to win, so I turned all

of my energy and passion into waging an all out war on the disease. It

was a worthy opponent.

By my 29th birthday I had buried 29 friends to cancer. 29 funerals.

Each one harder than the last. Hearing little children being told

their mommy is an angel now, and the smell of the flowers and the

words of condolence played in my mind like a continuous loop over and

over again. And I became angry and scared. So I ate. And I ate and I

ate, until one day I woke up weighing 60 pounds more than I did at

diagnosis. And I needed help, only I didn’t know how to ask.

When I heard about First Descents, I didn’t give it much thought. I

mean, my version of physical activity is running to catch a subway in

high heels. Still, I thought the only way to stop letting cancer

define every part of my life would be to step as far out of my comfort

zone as possible. So I traded in my stilettos and skyscrapers, for

booties, a PFD, and the mountains.

I didn’t know it at the time, but that first day of camp was the

beginning of the rest of my life. It was there that I learned that

Cancer WOULD NOT, be the hardest thing I would ever have to overcome

and this excited me. I pushed myself physically and emotionally in

ways I never imagined possible. With this new family by my side, I

felt safe.

As we lined up for the graduation rapid my heart was pumping through

my PFD as I shouted out, I’LL GO FIRST!!! This was my moment to prove

to myself that I could do this. That I owned this. With my eyes ahead,

my breathing focused, one wave at a time I paddled. and I paddled and

I paddled. I left so much of myself on that river. So much anger, so

much fear.

When I stopped I felt myself starting to tear up. It was the first

time in five years that I felt like I could breathe. And in that

moment, on that river, looking at those mountains, I took my life

back.

And that was only the beginning. In the first ten weeks home from camp

I embraced a strong, healthy lifestyle and lost 30 pounds. In the

months that followed I spent a great deal of time reflecting on the

lessons I had learned. I began to understand that the way I live my

life every day directly affects each person I encounter. And when I

feel myself begin to falter, it is Brad Ludden who is always there to

remind me to give myself permission to live. To embrace adventure with

a heart wide open. And as I climbed to the highest point I could reach

atop the Canadian Rockies a few weeks ago, I wrote a note of

thanks….and left it on the mountain.

Because of First Descents I am certain there is always a way to do the

impossible– to survive the unsurvivable, for as long as our forevers

may be. The common bond that ties us together is not cancer nor

kayaking. It is the fact that when faced with the impossible, WE

BECOME INSPIRED.

So as you leave here tonight, and return to your homes…should you

find yourself taking a first descent into what seems like the

impossible, remember how you felt on the river, on the mountains.

Remember how you feel in this very moment. Determined, ready to meet

the challenges of tomorrow, and always surrounded by family.


If that’s not enough to encourage you to support the cause, check out some of the Survivor Feedback.

Home Cooking!

Accountability.
Let’s see…since Monday we cooked at home Tuesday and Wednesday night, and tonight I tutored so I had dinner with my amazing family that I haven’t seen in over a month, but Jeff fixed a quick meal at home as well.
Monday we went on a walk after dinner. On Tuesday Jeff made pasta with kielbasa and veggies, so yummy. We went to the spa….which isn’t necessarily working out…but it’s not sitting on the couch either…so…? We’ll just call it a draw.
And last night, maybe not the most healthy (or cheap) dinner, but we copied the Giacobbe’s and made home made pizza and bruschetta!

Getting ingredients ready for bruschetta

Prepping the pizza!

Jeff’s masterpiece :)


Stone Pale? Yes, please.


Finishing touches for Double Tomato Bruschetta

Not gonna lie…some of the best bruschetta I’ve had. It’s all in the bread!


Easter week in Guatemala

I miss a lot of things about Guatemala. I miss the language, the culture, the food, the smell of smog (really, I do), my grandmother and my friend Isabel, traveling through the countryside, walking everywhere, my green and brown school uniform….you get the point. And holidays. Holidays in Guatemala have so much more intensity than holidays in the U.S. Specifically, Christmas and Easter. As of 2006, 50-60% of the population in Guatemala was Catholic. With an increase in Protestant churches, this number might be a little lower now. But still, there is a huge Catholic population in Guatemala, and the ferver in the celebration of these holidays is something to behold, whether you’re a believer or not.
This week is Holy Week, which means that most people in Guatemala have a week long vacation. Yeah, kind of like Spring Break…but everyone has it on the same week because it’s accommodating a religious holiday, not a school schedule :) And although some people use the time off to hit the beach and relax with the family, there are still many people that use it to attend the processions that are organized throughout Holy Week. Each day, different processions are had throughout the country that commemorate the last days of the life of Jesus Christ. I’ve admired these processions since the first time my grandmother took me to see one when I was little.
A few things about these processions.
A lot of preparation goes into them. And a lot of preparation goes into making the carpets over which the procession will pass. Each town or city prepares the streets through which the procession will pass by decorating walls and doors, and making detailed and intricate carpets out of vibrantly colored sawdust. I remember having to wake up super early to work on these when I was little. But it was so exciting!
As you can see in the pictures, the carpets are surrounded by fresh pine needles. That, combined with the smell of incense, are the smells of Easter! In Guatemala, at least…
Other things: hooded men. That’s never a bad idea, right? I think my grandma told me where this tradition started…but my memory is lacking. I saw a couple videos from processions this year, and I was actually bummed to see a switch from the purple traditional robes to suits. And that is why you….lose traditions (I was tempted to incorporate “and that’s why you don’t use a one armed person to scare someone”). Music. The procession is followed by a full band. The music is usually somber, appropriate given the circumstances. There’s something so sorrowful and moving about this music.
Finally, and maybe most impressive: the people. The people that trek from all over the city and country to watch these processions, and the people who chose to carry the floats in the procession. Women carry the float of the Virgin Mary and other female saints that may follow behind the main float, and men carry Jesus and other male saints. Each of the floats that comprise the procession usually weigh several thousand pounds, and require 50-100 people to carry it. If my years of Catholic schooling in Guatemala serve me correctly, the pain of carrying this weight is supposed to symbolize the pain of Jesus carrying the cross. If you need some suspense in your life: watch people trying to get one of these floats in or out of a church, or trying to turn a corner!
So, my point is, I want to go to there. I’m hoping that next year, around this time, Jeff and I will be in a position where we can go to Guatemala for Easter. Then I can post videos of my own!

A New Year’s Resolution…in April


I finally jumped on board with Jeff. Last year he went through a phase where he wanted to start eating healthier and being more active. I wasn’t feeling it. But I am now! So I’m switching gears on the accountability section of this blog…I think the original purpose has been served, since I’m no longer sitting on my couch for the better part of my weekdays not wanting to do what I should be doing. I now do that in an office!
So, my new accountability: eating more healthier (um, more healthy?), and being more active in our daily routines. Less tv, more walks. Less carbs, more fruits and veggies. Less processed, more natural.
The being active part has been pretty good. We’ve gone on hikes for the last two weekends, we went for a walk after dinner today, and we’re trying to do more climbing, both indoor and outdoor. I WILL start going to the gym more often. I’ve been doing pull ups every couple days…slight to little improvement, but hey, baby steps.
First hike with Brookie in Irvine
Hike in Laguna Beach

It’s not always easy for a gal like me…
The eating healthier part is a little more tricky. For the first week and a half since I got back, we just hadn’t had time to go shopping for food. We finally made it to Whole Foods on Friday, at which time I re-realized that eating healthy is way more expensive than not. Lunch seems to be my biggest hurdle: on days that I haven’t brought anything and need to eat out, I want something cheap and fast. It’s called fast food. And for the most part, they don’t serve healthy. Porqueeeeeee?! I wish fresh food wasn’t as expensive to prepare, or that it was in higher demand. Whatever the logical and economic reasons that make fast food the easier and cheaper option for my lunch, I’m not a fan.
But I digress. Since Friday, we’ve had a couple good meals. Jeff made steamed salmon over asparagus on Saturday night, and tonight we invented something out of everything we bought on Friday.
Mmmmm, goat cheese with seasonings

Getting the veggies ready

Our very own recipe for chicken & veggie stir fry

It tasted as good as it looks

And the final presentation!

I’ve been scouting out some healthy cook books on Amazon, and so far I’ve found the following that I’m trying to choose between or decide if it’s worth to get all of them:
Suggestions on these or others are obviously welcome :) As are any other suggestions you believe will allow me to actually follow through with this New Year’s Resolution.

Frustrations are Growing

Lately I’ve been growing more and more frustrated with my J.D. Yep. That piece of paper that I have in a cheap frame under a pile of crap under my desk, at home. That paper that put me in the whole for about $160,000 and will probably reach $200,000 with interest before I’m even able to start making serious payments on it.
It’s not just the degree that frustrates me. I’m mostly frustrated at myself for getting it in the first place. I’m definitely one of those people that’s talked about in legal blogs a lot recently: that naive college graduate who thinks law school is a great idea and signs up without ever researching whether it really IS a good idea. I did absolutely NO research on how much my degree would cost, or how much I would be in debt by the time I graduated, or job prospects (although even diligent research could not have foretold the economic downturn that took over after I started law school). I kick myself in the butt for not doing this. I should’ve known what I was getting myself into. I should’ve really thought about whether a JD was really the best course to pursue for what I wanted to do with my life. I should’ve really thought about what I wanted to do with my life.
Instead I just dove in. And now I feel like I need to put this paper to use in some way just so I can pay it off, even though I have close to no interest in pursuing a career in a typical legal career. I feel like I’m trapped in a room, this JD and I, and all I can do is stare at it with fiery burning eyes. I can’t make it disappear, I can’t get rid of it. And it’s keeping me from doing other things I feel I would really enjoy, and therein lies my greatest disappointment. Because it’s no one’s fault but my own (oh and the institution/business of legal education which can get away with charging what they charge).
I think both Jeff and I are getting frustrated with my frustration. I know I need to snap out of it and just be more appreciative of the things I do have going on. It’s just so haaaaaaaard to snap out of it! I’ve definitely been acting like a whiny 5-year old. Maybe I need to start reading self-help books…

Facebook Etiquette

So you know how Facebook shows you when one friend posts something on another friend’s wall, so you’re in the loop about everything? Maybe too much in the loop? I find myself constantly wanting to add my two cents to these “conversations” between friends, and I’m constantly feeling uncomfortable about doing so (but I still do most of the time). My comments would usually be something endearing, or comedic, or inviting myself to whatever it is they’re planning (as I did today).

Problem is, I feel like it’s almost a private conversation between two people, and here I am, butting in when I haven’t been invited to their conversation. Seems silly since it’s taking place in such a public forum, but it still feels wrong. I feel like I’m eavesdropping…but I’m a great eavesdropper. I usually have to fill Jeff in on other people’s conversations since he doesn’t seem to care what other people around us are talking about…Let me tell you, you miss out on so many great conversations by only paying attention to those around you (or conversations you’re privy to).
So what’s the right etiquette for this? Should I not? Is it as weird as I think?
My future course of action is either: 1) don’t comment on other people’s conversations, or 2) get over feeling like a creepy facebook stalker and comment away–it’s not my fault that facebook puts their conversation in front of me. I’m still deciding if I’m choosing the former or latter…although most of you can guess from my overly active facebook usage that I’ll chose the latter. Unless people tell me it’s wrong, in which case, I’ll try to moderate myself.
On a sidebar, I feel like I’ve been writing and having a lot more ideas on what to write lately. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve lowered my standards on what I want to write about (i.e., this post), simply making more time to write, or perhaps being more inspired/motivated to write. A fellow blogger posted an entry asking himself why he writes on his blog, and I sometimes wonder about that myself: this blog has no specific purpose, I’m all over the place with random topics and mundane details of my life that I’m sure most people could care less about. And yet, I enjoy doing it. I enjoy sharing my random thoughts with [sometimes] random people. Maybe it’s my way of paying back society for always eavesdropping on their conversations.
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