I still remember going to coffee and donuts in the Large Hall after mass on Sundays. I also remember feeling guilty about whether our family was “donating” the right amount to account for all the donuts my cousins and I ate, ha!
But there’s some kind of pull that donuts have, whether free, paid for, or under the pretense of “free.” As guilty as people may feel about eating them, they’re almost always worth the guilt. They make people happy, they bring people together, and they make a good impression.
I started “using” donuts when I was a new secretary for an intermediate school. I interacted on a daily basis with so many people at the District Office that I never actually met face to face. And I relied on them and their kindness – whether to be responsive to my 100th question as a newbie or to expedite something I needed done or approved right away. And somehow donuts came in to the equation. Every now and then (not often because let’s be real, they’re not THAT cheap and I was pretty fucking broke) I’d drop off a dozen donuts to various departments. At first it was just the maintenance department since I put in a million facility requests…but once I saw the positive effect, it quickly expanded to Ed Services, Fiscal, and HR (a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do).
Although I usually put my school name on the box of donuts rather than my own (it felt selfish and too transparent, ha!), I interacted with people in those departments when I dropped them off. And they were appreciative: it was a kind act that didn’t go unnoticed. And they always remembered who dropped them off. So they remembered me. So my emails were replied to quickly…my work orders were addressed when I called to check up, and usually with a kind word.
Fast forward a few years, and I now work at the District Office. I truly believe my easy transition into that work place was because of the familiarity those donuts gave me with a lot of individuals. I had already established connections beyond the emails back and forth.
Pre-COVID, donuts worked with my new co-workers as well. It’s something so small, but a little donut breaks up the monotony of one morning running into all the others. And I love being the person that gets to provide that moment of happiness, or distraction.
And they obviously work on my kids, too.
But I have to confess I’ve taken my donut scheme to a whole new level: my grocery store.
I love Stater Brothers. It’s my go-to grocery store every week (although our boys are quickly moving us toward Costco size grocery purchases…): I love that it’s kind of old-timey and not super modern, I know where to find everything, their produce is always great (no brown stem lettuce here…I’m looking at you, Ralph’s!), and….the meat counter. I mean…it’s a thing of beauty and wonder.
Recently I’ve been regaling Jeff with stories of my gradual conquest of the older gentleman that is most frequently attending the meat counter. It’s taken years, but recently I’ve gotten past the simple “can I get you anything else?” He’s used some terms of endearment (sweet, not creepy), and gone the extra mile to get me the cuts I wanted. So last week I thought I’d seal the deal…with donuts. I decided to split the dozen with the produce crew that also deserves and receives my gratitude, but that I don’t usually interact with directly. But it seemed like the right thing to do. So a small pink box with six donuts went to one of the produce stockers that I recognized, and another small pink box with six donuts went to Kyle behind the meat counter.
(Don’t worry everyone – I don’t call him by his name (not yet!), but there’s a name badge and how can I just ignore the fact that I now know his name?!)
We’ll see on Saturday morning if they did the trick: if my face will be more memorable because of the donuts I delivered. But on delivery day Kyle did go out of his way to thank me a couple times for the donuts. And I’m not gonna lie…I was nervous enough about my whole scheme that I forgot the ground beef.
Today was a month since all this madness started (hard to forget when it happens on a Friday the 13th!). Wow.
We took a family portrait to commemorate the occasion. I saw someone else do something similar on Facebook, and thought it was a great idea to memorialize this time of our lives. When I first saw the idea, I thought Jake would have my phone since he’s always using it to play Pokémon Go. Josh would have a basketball since he was really enjoying shooting hoops in the back yard. And I would be holding our daily schedule.
Since the inception of the plan, it’s been raining non-stop, the boys found their tablets and I’ve lost some of my will to argue. And the schedule has gone to shit. So, this has been our reality:
Jeff’s artsy version:
The boys and I were walking around the neighborhood last week during a rain break. It was the day after trash day, and a neighbor’s bin had fallen back and was partially blocking the sidewalk. The boys were ahead of me on their razors, and I was catching up while I pushed Jon in the stroller. I debated going onto the street to avoid the blockade, then decided to just pick up the bin. The boys had stopped to see what I would do, since they had gone around it but realized I wouldn’t be able to get by with the stroller. After I picked up the bin, Josh came up to me and said “you get five kisses from me right now, and five hugs from me and Jake when we get home.” He gave me five kisses on the spot. “Is this all because I picked up the trash bin?” “Yeah, because that was really nice!” he said, as he sped ahead on his razor again. I hope I never doubt doing the right thing again. Although they didn’t pay up on those hugs when we got home…
I’m one of those people that likes an organized pantry. There’s a place for everything, and it irks me when things are not in there place. But these days….
Just throw that shit anywhere. Yeah, leave the pasta on the cereal shelf. Who cares if the boxed pasta is in the canned section. And that box of cereal? IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER ANYMOOOOOOORE!!!
Sorry. Emotions are high these days.
We had sunshine on Saturday. It was glorious. Jeff and I were full of smiles, being silly, and generally just giddy. We realized we were just happy to see the sun, ha! We can never leave California…we would not survive actual weather.
Josh’s 4th birthday is on Friday, and he’s super bummed we had to cancel his party. He wants all his friends to come over. We’ve had to tell him multiple times over the last month why they can’t. Today I was asking him what he would like me to fix him for dinner on his birthday (pizza), and he followed up with a question of his own: can my friends come over when the corona virus is over?
It crushes me that my not even four year old has to use “corona virus” in a sentence. And yes buddy, you absolutely can. Once this is over, we’re re-doing Easter, and his birthday, and probably Mother’s Day, and everything else that we’re missing out on. We’re celebrating big time. Because look at these faces!
Easter was obviously very different this year. I was missing family, and the tradition of going to church. And the weather sucked. I dragged my feet through most of the day; I couldn’t even fight the boys to get dressed, so they stayed in pajamas all day. Until right before dinner when Jeff told them he needed their help and disappeared. The three of them came back out all dressed up and ready for our Easter dinner. My heart was so full. My eyes were pretty full of tears as well…
For all the blogs and Facebook posts out there about lifestyle hacks, I’m proud to say I came up with this one on my own. I’m not saying it’s original or I’m the first to conceive of the idea, but it came to my mind on my own volition, haha.
I’m gonna be honest…we never have time to deep clean our house. I wish we did. The amount of times Jeff and I say to each other “we have to clean this house,” is pretty ridiculous. But you know…life. But bathrooms are a special beast…they HAVE to get cleaned every now and then, or things just get really, really gross.
We use Clorox wipes in our house a lot. I wish they were paying me to say this, but they’re just super convenient and efficient for our little home. I found myself always going to the kitchen to get them so I could at least wipe down the bathroom sink or toilet. Then it dawned on me: thanks to our Costco size purchase of Clorox wipes, I always have like a bajillion of these in our garage. So I put one under each bathroom sink. And not gonna lie, it makes all the difference.
I can wipe down our toilet while I brush my teeth (gross, but true, and…life), or give the boys sink a wipe down while they’re in the bath. It allows me to multi-task. Part of me knows it’s lame…our house isn’t a mansion…so walking to the kitchen for wipes shouldn’t be a deal breaker for a clean bathroom…but in the mayhem of life, I’m learning to take any shortcuts I can to keep some sections of our home at least modestly presentable!
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I also wanted to share a little gadget that’s been making my life a little easier recently. Now with Josh in pre-school two days a week, and Jake in school full time as a first grader, lunches and snacks have become a big thing. I found myself packing stuff in tiny zip lock bags (which I’m trying to avoid as much as possible), and tupperware…and it was just annoying. I finally pulled the trigger and got one of these little bento boxes for Jake.
It’s worked out so well that I bought a blue one for Josh, and a second one for Jake so we can alternate on having to wash it every day (the struggle is real, people).
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Finally, Jake and I love listening to podcasts on the way to school when we’re not practicing our math or talking about dragons. I stumbled upon Wow in the World, and it’s great! I’ve learned more than I’d like to know about cockroaches (they can survive over a week without a head!!), the deal with bees dying, corroborated what Jeff told me a long time ago about brain freezes, and all sorts of random interesting stuff. The characters are actually quite funny, and I love how they explain big science ideas in ways our little people can understand them.
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What “hack” or household items/products make your life easier?
I was maybe eight or nine when my grandma told me I could be an ambassador when I grew up. I was living with her in Guatemala at the time, and it seemed like a perfect crossover for a U.S. citizen, passionate about Guatemala or other countries. Good grades came easily to me – I almost always got A’s and some B’s, and in Guatemala was always in the “cuadro de honor” for my class (top 4 of my classroom). I embraced leadership positions at an early age, and loved being involved in activities (just not the sports ones, ha!).
The combination of all of this, I think, set me up for the idea that I would become someone extraordinary as an adult: a leader, a presenter, a change maker, and I’ll admit that at eight or nine, sure, I thought I could save the world. I recently talked to a friend of mine who is absolutely KILLING IT in her career. She said: “Alex, I know this sounds cheesy, but I know this is what I was born to do.” Who doesn’t want to have the feeling?
Fast forward a few decades (gah!), and I work as an administrative secretary in my local school district. It’s a great job by many standards: we’re finally experiencing some sort of financial stability, benefits are great, I have a pension plan and accidental death insurance (those are big adult things!), paid vacation, it’s down the street from home, and most importantly: it’s flexible and understanding with our family schedule (SO huge).
Up until a year or so ago, I kept having this feeling that I was underperforming in my professional life, not reaching my full potential. I still get jealous when I see acquaintances on Facebook attending big important conferences, or being presenters in their field. I want to be doing a TEDx presentation! Although when I stop and think about it, I have NO IDEA what I would talk about. I sometimes think: I want to be the person in the meeting making the decisions, not the person taking the minutes for the meeting. But five minutes later I’ve booked that person’s calendar for five meetings and see that they have a gazillion “important” unread emails in their inbox, and realize, eh, I prefer being able to clock out on time every day!
What I’ve been trying to come to terms with lately is that it’s ok not to be the over achiever. So many more people around me (not in the Facebook universe) live completely “normal” lives, doing the standard Life thing of working and raising children. And why isn’t that enough? Maybe if it’s not enough, it should be enough for now while our kiddos are small and I should embrace what’s right in front of me. I’ve seen moms re-join the workforce after being stay at home moms for ten plus years….this isn’t all of it, but it’s a stage of our lives that I want to embrace and live fully.
I dread looking back at these years and realizing that I was always looking for something else, wanting to be doing something different, be somewhere else. And in the meantime, our boys grew up with a mom that was never fully present.
So for now…I’m trying to shift my perspective and make my family and our home my priority. I’ve let go of several leadership positions and extracurricular involvements in the past two years, and I will admit it’s been great to be able to focus on our home, and be around more for the boys (although I do miss being involved in those activities and the difference I was able to make in them). I love not being torn in five directions constantly.
And I do think I can still be a change maker where I am, just in smaller ways. I do think I make a difference at work with those around me, whether it’s by doing my job well and making theirs easier, or by asking how their weekend was and giving them an opportunity to share something non-work related, or by re-doing our bulletin board and giving everyone something pretty to look at while they make copies.
I recently received an email from a co-worker that said: “Thank you for all you do for me!…I so appreciate your support and tolerance. I really enjoy working with you! Your sense of humor keeps me going. Thanks for being you!”
It honestly made my day. Maybe I don’t have the conviction that my friend has that what I’m “working”on is what I was born to do, but I do think I was born to help those around me, and I have to remind myself that sometimes that can come in the smallest, every day actions.
What about you? Is where you are today different then where you’d thought you’d be?
Have you guys heard of Dax Shephard’s podcast, Armchair Expert? Well, in case you haven’t, I’m here to tell you how awesome it is. Dax Shephard is half of the amazing combo with Kristen Bell (this Kristen Bell). And they’re just so stinkin’ cute. I just played that video for the boys (Jake LOVES giraffes and elephants, so I thought they’d get a kick out of it – also, it helped pull Jake out of a grumpy mood, haha), and I just fell in love with them all over again. I also realized that Jake needs to go to Africa someday to chase giraffes.
Since I started listening to AE, I like them even more. And now there’s also Monica Padman to love. Although Dax and Monica chat with mostly fellow artists of various mediums (actors, producers, writers, etc.), they also have “expert on expert” podcasts where they talk to someone that has expertise in any given area.
I love that the premise of the podcast is just to have open and frank conversations with people. It’s to increase communication and dialogue, and it really allows you to get to know people you’ve seen on screen for years in a different way. They become almost like you and me: I realize that Mila Kunis has some of the same challenges in motherhood that I have, so by extension, Mila and I could easily be BFF’s.
The last part of the podcast is the “fact check” with Monica – and it’s one of my favorite parts of the podcast. This part is done in post-production, and Monica and Dax go through and fact-check some of the stuff that came up in the interview portion of the podcast. It’s really great to hear Monica and Dax work through disagreements – it’s always a very civilized conversation and they both try really hard to understand where the other person is coming from. I think this is also one of their ultimate goals in doing this podcast: showing by example how to work through differences of opinion but with love and understanding. I also have found myself laughing out loud more than once during the fact check.
Speaking of laughing out loud: the commercials. I’ve never laughed so much at commercials (and probably never at audio only ones). Although most of the stuff they advertise is way out of my price range (I’ve checked almost everything, they sell it all pretty well!).
Just a heads up that these are definitely not kid friendly – so don’t go listening to them in the car with children present.
I haven’t caught up on all of them, but here are some of my favorites so far and why:
Ted Danson (“TD”): TD talked about his parents a little, and I loved hearing about how exceptional his parents where and how that made his childhood that much more interesting. I’ve seen that with a couple guests who speak so admiringly of their parents, and it really makes me want to do something extraordinary with my life, just so my kids can say “my mom was amazing..she was/did blah blah blah and accomplished x/y/z.” Also, Ted Danson just sounds like an amazing human being.
Rob McElhenney: the actor and show runner for Always Sunny in Philadelphia. They have some pretty hilarious conversations about the male physique (watch this video from the finale of Always Sunny if you want to see what Rob’s physique can do), but I love where Rob says that his favorite thing ever is when his son says “hey dad, I have a question.” I find this to be so true. Jake, at 5 years old, is so inquisitive about the way things work and why things are the way they are, and I absolutely love his curiosity. And I love when Jeff or I get to explain something to him. Or when we get to do an experiment to figure something out. Rob follows that up by saying how kids ruin your life, haha. The point he makes, and I would agree, is that they ruin the life you had before them. Life after children is so completely different than the life you had before. To balance things out, Dax spends a lot of time in other episodes talking about why having kids is so great.
Mike Schur (“MS”): There were a couple things that really spoke to me on this episode. One, MS talks about how his dad became an attorney because there was no money in the field he has then studying (linguistics). His dad was never happy being an attorney but practiced it his whole life anyway. The one thing his dad told him not to become was an attorney. It makes me think a lot about where I am in life and the situation I find myself in because I did go to law school. This will be a separate blog because Jeff and I recently had a really good conversation about this topic and how we don’t want to be sixty looking back and regretting the things we didn’t do because of the things we did do. The other thing MS talks about is people that have won the “genetic lottery” by being born as a white male in a middle/upper class home, with two parents (or whatever the case is). When I was working at Starbucks after college (right before going to law school), I worked with someone who I would say was a tad racist. When he found out I was half-Guatemalan, he told me I won the genetic lottery because I look white and not Hispanic. At the time, my friends and I were outraged that he would say such a thing. As years have gone by, however, that phrase has popped up in my mind more than once and I’ve realized that in a lot of ways, he was right. Although I don’t view it in the positive light that he probably did, I do often wonder how my life might be different if my name was Alejandra instead of Alexandra (as my mom had intended), or if my skin resembled my mom’s olive tone rather than my dad’s. I feel, sadly, that my job opportunities would have been different, and that my social circles would have been different as well. And I would probably be a totally different person.
Jason Bateman: Maybe the funniest one for me so far. Plus, Jason mentions Arrested Development a lot – which I LOVE! And generally…I might have fallen a little in love with him. Is that too weird of a note to end on?
Just in case it is, here’s something random to end on. A couple years ago we started planning meals for the week – and it was such a game changer for our week nights. If I can plan meals on the weekend, and buy all my groceries by Sunday, we’re guaranteed to eat better and to not spend as much eating out. But, you know me…I need something to keep me organized…and to make lists upon lists. I found this great meal planner on Rifle Paper Co. (I’m also really into all things floral lately, so that helps). I used my handy hot glue gun to attach a giant magnet to the back of it, and keep it on my fridge. The left side lists my meals for the week, and on the right side I can add things throughout the week that I need to get on my following run.
I hope you’ll start listening to AE – then I won’t be the only one I know singing “He’s an armchair expert….” to myself all the time…
Well, it’s been a while again, hasn’t it? I was reading someone else’s family blog and realized I miss writing about my own little family and all the stuff I/we’ve been up to. So, in the free minutes I have, here’s what’s been going on:
Meeting my dad. The biggie is that I met my dad and his family for the first time last month. I found him last year around October or so. It was weird: I came in to work and searched an Obama speech that I wanted to listen to, saw an ad at the bottom about finding people, entered my dad’s name as I occasionally do on generic web searches, one thing led to another, and boom, all the dots were connecting. It felt a little like this, to be honest…
Which reminded me of this..
Anyhow…it was a bit of a bombshell for my three sisters, and things have taken time to develop, but the boys and I headed to Arizona last month to visit some of Jeff’s family so I decided to take the leap and see if they were ready to meet. I’m so glad they were. Jeff, the boys, and I went over to their house for lunch and it was really nice to get to meet them each in person and get to know them a little better. Unlike my expectation, it wasn’t awkward, but I do think it was a little emotionally tense: trying to figure out our comfort levels and boundaries (too soon to hug? do I call him dad? what do we tell Jake?), and I think most of us were a little nervous about how it would go. Thankfully it went well enough that we all want to see each other again and get to know each other, although the distance does make that a little challenging.
One thing I didn’t think about when I reached out to them last year were the ripples. I’ll admit I was selfish and just thought of myself and that I had a “right” to reach out to my dad. I didn’t think about the girls and what that would put them through. Or my mom and how she would feel (although I did give her a heads up that I had found them and again when I decided to meet them). Or my aunts and cousins. I really hadn’t considered how this would affect so many people, and in every sense that has been the most challenging aspect of this journey.
When I found him and when I met him, people kept asking how I was doing and how I was feeling…I think expecting a hot emotional mess. I think we’re all dealing a little with the “what if’s” that I was starting to come to terms with a few years ago, but over all it’s been very non-dramatic. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been holding on to any resentment or bitterness for the last 33 years, but I’ve been fine. I’m honestly just excited to meet my dad and his family and get to know them. I have an amazing family as is, so if meeting them hadn’t worked out, it would have been a bummer but thankfully I have a wonderful and supportive family already, so my risk was non-existent. Finding my dad and his family is icing on the cake. And I mean, who doesn’t love icing, right? But this cake is pretty delicious by itself also :) But I have to admit, I’m pretty excited about getting to know each of them.
Phew, maybe that should have been a separate blog post, haha, but let’s move on to some less intense updates.
Cooking. I’ve never been a huge fan of cooking. My grandma cooked for us every day and did it solo (I just snuck in to steal tomatoes), and my mom was a lone wolf in the kitchen as well. It was something that needed to get done, food had to be put on the table, and that was that. Except for annual tamale making around Christmas, cooking isn’t really family tradition for me, or something that I’ve grown up learning. So it’s a chore. And one that became even more daunting when Jake starting eating adult food (man, I really wish he would eat-he’s a terrible eater), and cooking “healthy” food became even more important. Throughout our entire relationship (ten years now!), Jeff and I have talked about eating better and exercising regularly. The exercising hasn’t stuck, but there’s something about someone’s life depending on you that makes you want to only do the best by him. I’m not saying we shop at Whole Foods and are vegan, but we try to cook at home more which I count as a success.
The routine of work, home, dinner, clean up, bath time, bedtime, is exhausting, repetitive, and…less than thrilling. Up until recently I really dreaded cooking. I felt like it took me away from hanging out with the boys or doing something more productive or exciting around the house. Thankfully Jeff has always liked my cooking, and recently he’s loved it. And I think that’s made a huge difference in how I approach cooking. I love making food that my family loves (Jake loves my cornbread…that’s about it, but I’ll take it for now). I love the praise I get from Jeff when I cook, and I love knowing that my family is eating something healthier than eating out constantly. Maybe not in the sense of healthy food (we eat more than our fair share of southern, fried stuff…), but at least I know there aren’t a ton of preservatives in it!
So as of last week, I’m enjoying cooking! Buying groceries every week though….ew.
Gilmore Girls. I just finished watching the new episodes of Gilmore Girls. My mom came over after Thanksgiving so we could watch it together since it was our thing when the show was on, but man, throw a toddler and a baby into the mix and we paused the episode so many times and I yelled at Jake so many other times, that I was exhausted and thankful when the first credits rolled up. I’ve managed to watch the rest after I put Josh to sleep and during my pumping sessions at work, and finished up last night. It wasn’t all perfect, but I have to say, I loved the imperfection of Rory’s life. Not all of us land that dream job, even if we were smart and ambitious at one point. I found it refreshing, maybe because it reflects my life a little: sometimes you don’t get exactly what you thought you wanted, but you get so much more!
The moment you’ve all been waiting for: The boys. The boys are doing great :) The first two-three months of Josh’s life were hard. HARD. This blog is getting pretty lengthy so I’ll save my pearls of wisdom of those first three months for a separate blog post, but thankfully now we’ve all gotten into our new regular of being a family of four. Josh is still keeping me up at night a lot (nursing every 2-3 hours, not awake and screaming, thankfully), but I’m also a sissy about sleep training, so I guess it’s my own fault. Other than that, he’s great. He’s pulling himself up everywhere, he’s mastered the army crawl, and really likes to be walked around everywhere now. I’m sure he’ll be walking in no time! He loves to give me open mouth, wet, kisses, and he is so so happy when I get home, it truly makes my heart happy. He’s constantly smiling, and has the most amazing crinkle nose smile!
And Jake. What can I say without sounding like “that” mother? He’s truly an amazing child. I mean it. He uses words like “frustrated,” “comfortable,” “area,” and “vehicle” to name a few. And he uses them all correctly! He knows plurals, and when to use us/them/their/me. He can have a lengthy discussion with you about his toys and the latest Tayo episode. And those are my favorite moments. When he is so excited about something that he just goes on and on and on. And he’s so sweet and kind, and always willing to lend a hand (and…and…and…). I love the relationships he has with his grandparents, and he loves them each so dearly. Things I don’t love: how hard it is to get him to eat, his dry skin/allergies, his quickness to get angry/frustrated with toys, how often he says “I’m mad” or asks “are you happy?” He’s always concerned about our happiness and making sure we’re not upset, haha.
Jeff. I know this blog is way too long already, but I can’t leave Jeff out. I truly, honestly, can’t imagine my life without him. Believe it or not, I get moody. A lot. My mom knows. And Jeff knows. And they both still love me the same and are amazing support people for me.
This parenting thing is no joke, but I am so blessed to be able to do it with a man that is patient, understanding, considerate, loving, etc., etc., etc. For example, last night at the dinner table he noticed that I forgot to get a glass of water, so he got one for me. I mean, he was already sitting down eating his food, trying to get Jake to eat, and NOTICED that. Insert heart googly eyes here.
I also love our parenting system: I love that it’s not a 50-50 in the sense that we have to split everything down the middle, we just work within our strengths and weaknesses. And it works for us.
Ok, I’ll let you all resume your normal daily activities. I really am going to try to blog more frequently so each blog doesn’t become a mini-novela.
It’s been a while, hasn’t it? I’ve posted tid bits here and there, but nothing really of substance lately. I still keep a running list of all the ideas of things I want to blog about, and most of them become outdated before they become a reality.
A big reason why I don’t blog as much is the lack of time. With a two-year old running around and a home to keep up, and let’s be honest, my general laziness, the time available to just sit and put my thoughts into written word is pretty limited. When I do have time, I feel guilty if I’m not spending it working on something for Haiti Scholarships, or writing a blog for Nuestras Manos or The Merry Ministers instead (neither of which have been done in a long time…see: laziness).
So I’m trying to turn a new leaf. I’m trying to let go. I’ve often wondering why I work the way I work: why do I always have to have multiple things going on? Why am I not happy with just my 9-5 job? Why do I have to add on volunteering on projects or organizations, or trying to promote side businesses? I know each of these makes me happy to a degree, but with baby #2 on the way, I’m really trying to be realistic about my expectations of myself. I feel constantly stressed about the to-do lists that I’m not getting done…so I wonder…what if I just didn’t have those to-do lists? What if all my worries focused on home, kids, hubby, and work? That seems like enough, right? Haha.
So here’s my plan: I’m trying to de-clutter. I need to start letting go of Haiti Scholarships tasks and start delegating things (this is VERY hard for me because I’m very specific about how I think things should be done, ha!). I don’t need to write the agenda and the minutes, and do the newsletter, and our yearly taxes, and thank you letters, and update databases, and respond to emails, and update social media. I’m just hoping I find someone to take over a thing or two :)
I need to start being realistic about what I can do with Nuestras Manos and The Merry Ministers. I have a long list of ideas that I’d love to accomplish, but the reality is that now isn’t the time. So I’m no longer putting “write a blog for Nuestras Manos” on my to-do list. I’m no longer saving my Bloglovin emails in hopes that I’ll find inspiration for a blog that I’ll never write (I still have hundreds saved that I can resort to should the occasion arise). Deleting those emails every morning is already reducing some of my anxiety.
And probably most importantly: I just need to stay out of things that require monthly meetings, haha. I thought this year would be the year I could re-commit to the Corazon Annual Meeting Committee, but I’ve attended 1 of 3 meetings so far, and I’ve found it challenging to keep up with the two tasks I’ve been assigned. It’s not fair to them or the organization. I also got myself nominated as the secretary for our local school district employees union, which requires two meetings a month (one for the e-board and one for the chapter meeting). I’m already two meetings behind on getting my minutes typed up. So I think I need to finish up my tenure on these and understand that once the kids are a few years older, maybe I’ll be able to pick up where I left off (if sports and activities aren’t all-consuming at that point, haha). And hey, maybe then I’ll actually get to write about all the things I’ve been wanting to write about for the last couple years! :-P
An old college friend was coming through town today on his way to a work meeting, and he messaged me yesterday to see if we could meet up for lunch. We figured out the logistics of time and place (he met me right around my work because I wouldn’t have enough time on my lunch break to meet him near his meeting), and got to catch up today about our little boys, work, and some serious discussions about the socio-economic challenges faced by our Latino youth (nerd alert, I know, but it was awesome to talk to someone about this). It really meant a lot to me that he thought of me when he knew he was going to be in the area, and went out of his way to accommodate my location so we could meet up.
And earlier today two friends from law school checked in via gchat to see when we could meet up.
This all really made my day.
See, I’m usually the planner of things. I contact people to figure out what day works best between everyone’s busy schedules (which can be challenging) so we can meet up and catch up on life. After having Jake, I find that I don’t have as much time or energy to dedicate to these efforts, and I was a little bummed to see that in some situations, if I didn’t make the effort, it just didn’t get done.
Jeff always reminds me that people leave planning things to me because I always do them, and they probably don’t want to step on my toes. Which I get. But sometimes it’s nice to see other people make an effort: it makes me feel like people want to hang out with me, they’re not just hanging out because I asked them to, haha.
A related issue is just getting older and growing further apart from some friends as our lives become more busy with adult responsibilities and parenting, or as personal interests change. The thought of growing more and more distant from some friends is truly saddening. In some cases it’s just an inevitable part of life: you can’t be super close friends with everyone you meet or have the time to cultivate friendships like I did when I was 20, and that’s something I’ve slowly come to terms with, haha.
Other friends, though, are friends that I know will be in my life forever, but maybe just with longer hiatuses in catching up than I would like. And I just hate the thought of having a friend that I truly love and care about, and yet don’t know the slightest thing about what’s going on with them and with their lives. It seems weird to be so close to someone emotionally, and yet so far removed from what their lives are.
I don’t really having any kind of conclusion for this, haha, as I’m still learning and trying to figure out how to deal and process with these situations in this new stage of my life. I think that this year I’ll try to spend some time reconnecting with good friends that I haven’t been able to keep in touch with as much as I’d like. And maybe after that I’ll have some more insight on this topic :)
*Couldn’t decide on my title. It started as “Friendly Visits,” but then my post transformed into a wider conversation about friendships, rather than just my lunch visit. So this popped up, but it seems misleading. Or not. I just can’t decide!!
I’m sure you’re all on pins and needles waiting to find out how the new job is going…ha!
Well, no more pins and needles for you! The new job is actually great. It started off a little slow, but it’s definitely picked up and been the perfect balance of familiarity and challenge (I’m doing something I feel that I’m good at, but also being challenged). The people I work with are great–everyone has been really nice and helpful, and it made my transition from St. Nicholas a little easier knowing that I was coming in to another welcoming work “family.” One of my co-workers even invited Jake and I to meet her baby at the stables in San Juan Capistrano:
Last week and up to tomorrow I’m actually covering for our office manager who is on vacation, so it’s been interesting to do my own job plus some of the responsibilities for the office manager. I’ve been going in early and staying late, and running around frantically trying to figure everything out (I’ve had to rely on a lot of people and they’ve all been amazingly helpful). It’s definitely been a challenging, hectic, and tiring week, but it’s also been really nice to realize that I can handle it, and even more: that I enjoy doing it. It’s so nice to be in a job where I like what I do and where people recognize and appreciate my skills and talents.
I will admit that I miss Gwen a lot and some aspects of my old job. April 1st would’ve been my one-year anniversary at St. Nicholas. Last year, that date happened to fall on the Monday after Easter Sunday. For us Catholics, that’s a pretty memorable date, so with Easter just behind us, that job has been on my mind quite a bit lately. I know this was a good move for me, but I still miss Gwen and our little office, saying “but what do we know?” every time we think something should be done differently.
Today I went back to St. Nicholas to help with First Holy Communion rehearsal, and it was so nice to see some of the families that I had interacted with before. One of them asked about Jake, one kid recognized me from my current work, since that’s where she goes to school. When I was on my way to the rehearsal I was wondering if it would be awkward since I haven’t been around at all, but it was like picking up the phone with one of those really good friends–where you can pick up the conversation right where you left off even if you haven’t talked in several months. I strolled right in to my old comfort zone and was checking in students and answering questions, translating for families, and helping out.
Maybe some day I’ll be able to commit myself to being a volunteer teacher at the church, and that way be able to stay involved a little more. But for now, I’m happy to still help out where I can, and I’m thrilled about where I am with my job. I know it’s just the beginning, and I’m excited to see where this path leads me!
There are many things I disliked about my first job out of college, the main one being my boss. Actually, he was the only thing I disliked, haha.
BUT, I did learn a lot of basic office stuff while working there, and I’ll never forget what my boss told me on my first day after I walked into his office: “never leave your desk without a notepad.” Granted, it was said in a condescending tone that made it sound more like “you idiot, never leave your fucking desk without a stupid notepad,” or “I have many important things to say to you and you better remember every single one and you never will without writing them down so bring a notepad.” Or something like that.
Nevertheless, it’s something that I’ve carried with me through every job I’ve held since then (minus Starbucks), and it’s a lesson that has come in very handy. Especially since I’m the kind of person that forgets things as soon as I hear them.
Finca Cielo Azul 