I used to have a few weeks off during the summer when I worked at a middle school and Jake was a baby. The first few summers being home with him were H-A-R-D. But 2017 turned a corner and it was glorious. The main reasons being that Jake was getting older and we could do more stuff, but I also realized that my summers had to be dedicated to the boys, and not my personal projects. Once I jumped on board, I realized I could PLAN my summer out and have something, no matter how small, planned for each day. So that was great for 2017, and then 2018 came and I started a new job that was year-round, so that was my last summer of adventure with the boys.
The years in between we’ve been lucky enough to have them spend time with grandparents, but this year they get to spend it with daddy! I realized that Jeff would also need to have some stuff planned to get him out of the house with THREE boys, or he might very well leave and never come back, haha
And, obviously, I jumped at the opportunity to research, plan, calendar, and color code things.
So, here’s our summer plan, generally:
Monday’s are for exploring new trails/hikes
Tuesday’s are for crafts
Wednesday’s are for exploring a new park/playground near by
Thursday’s are for science experiments
Friday’s are for the beach or…doing nothing after a busy week!
First I printed out a blank google calendar for the summer months, then marked it up with the things we already had planned (camping trip, chess and golf camp, etc.). Then I researched a bunch of family friends trails/hikes, new playgrounds, and reviewed my Pinterest kid activity board for crafts and science experiments. I assigned them to available dates, and then I added each of the planned activities on the Google calendar I share with Jeff. I know it seems redundant to write it out on a paper copy and then transfer to a digital one, but I love the visual of the paper copy when I’m starting things out, and the usefulness of sharing the digital one. I included the Pinterest link and the list of supplies for each activity on the Google calendar so Jeff could easily locate what was needed for that activity and how to do it. I also included links for locations for trail and park days.
The super fun part once activities were decided on: making a list of supplies to buy, heeeeyoooooo! I tried to support our local school supply store, but they really didn’t have as many of the items as I hoped, so we ended up resorting to Amazon and our local grocery store for most stuff. This may be showing my OCD too much, but here is the list I created in case it’s helpful. And yes, I DO sort it by date, or activity, or supply location…and yes, it makes me so so happy. And yes, I do have various versions printed…Anywho, purchased the supplies and placed them all in a big plastic bin in the garage so they’re all in one location, but also out of the way.
Here’s what I came up with:
TRAILS AND HIKES
Aliso Summit Trail
Buck Gully Trail
Thomas Riley Wilderness
Santiago Oaks Regional
Peters Canyon
Fullerton Panorama Trail
CRAFTS
Make a summer checklist (I printed several templates I found online, let the boys cut out the ones they want, and they glued them on to a colored piece of construction paper).
While at the teacher supply store I also purchased a couple different achievement certificates. We’ve decided when they earn five of them, they get the prize they convinced me to get them when I took them shopping for supplies…
What does your summer with kids typically look like? Any wonderful links to share with ideas?
Today was a month since all this madness started (hard to forget when it happens on a Friday the 13th!). Wow.
We took a family portrait to commemorate the occasion. I saw someone else do something similar on Facebook, and thought it was a great idea to memorialize this time of our lives. When I first saw the idea, I thought Jake would have my phone since he’s always using it to play Pokémon Go. Josh would have a basketball since he was really enjoying shooting hoops in the back yard. And I would be holding our daily schedule.
Since the inception of the plan, it’s been raining non-stop, the boys found their tablets and I’ve lost some of my will to argue. And the schedule has gone to shit. So, this has been our reality:
Jeff’s artsy version:
The boys and I were walking around the neighborhood last week during a rain break. It was the day after trash day, and a neighbor’s bin had fallen back and was partially blocking the sidewalk. The boys were ahead of me on their razors, and I was catching up while I pushed Jon in the stroller. I debated going onto the street to avoid the blockade, then decided to just pick up the bin. The boys had stopped to see what I would do, since they had gone around it but realized I wouldn’t be able to get by with the stroller. After I picked up the bin, Josh came up to me and said “you get five kisses from me right now, and five hugs from me and Jake when we get home.” He gave me five kisses on the spot. “Is this all because I picked up the trash bin?” “Yeah, because that was really nice!” he said, as he sped ahead on his razor again. I hope I never doubt doing the right thing again. Although they didn’t pay up on those hugs when we got home…
I’m one of those people that likes an organized pantry. There’s a place for everything, and it irks me when things are not in there place. But these days….
Just throw that shit anywhere. Yeah, leave the pasta on the cereal shelf. Who cares if the boxed pasta is in the canned section. And that box of cereal? IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER ANYMOOOOOOORE!!!
Sorry. Emotions are high these days.
We had sunshine on Saturday. It was glorious. Jeff and I were full of smiles, being silly, and generally just giddy. We realized we were just happy to see the sun, ha! We can never leave California…we would not survive actual weather.
Josh’s 4th birthday is on Friday, and he’s super bummed we had to cancel his party. He wants all his friends to come over. We’ve had to tell him multiple times over the last month why they can’t. Today I was asking him what he would like me to fix him for dinner on his birthday (pizza), and he followed up with a question of his own: can my friends come over when the corona virus is over?
It crushes me that my not even four year old has to use “corona virus” in a sentence. And yes buddy, you absolutely can. Once this is over, we’re re-doing Easter, and his birthday, and probably Mother’s Day, and everything else that we’re missing out on. We’re celebrating big time. Because look at these faces!
Easter was obviously very different this year. I was missing family, and the tradition of going to church. And the weather sucked. I dragged my feet through most of the day; I couldn’t even fight the boys to get dressed, so they stayed in pajamas all day. Until right before dinner when Jeff told them he needed their help and disappeared. The three of them came back out all dressed up and ready for our Easter dinner. My heart was so full. My eyes were pretty full of tears as well…
I tried something different today. Monday and Tuesday were not my best days. I found myself with a super short fuse, filled with anxiety about Jake’s school work, house work, my work, keeping Josh entertained, and the baby alive. You know – the basics.
Today I woke up and decided I needed to take it easy. I said screw the schedule, and enjoy the day. I basically took a mental health day, haha. I started the day in a much better mood, and was way more patient and graceful about the boys going through their morning. I told Jeff I was switching things up, and that I’d need him to watch the baby during Josh’s nap so I could dedicate some time to Jake’s school work after lunch. Jeff is working from home also, so we’re trying to be good about communicating our needs to each other-when he has meetings and can’t help, when I need to respond to work emails and need him to take over, etc. It ain’t easy, folks. There’s guilt on all sides….I feel guilty for asking for his help when I know he has work to do, I feel guilty for not dedicating more time to a job that I’m so fortunate to have during these times (and all times), guilty that we let the boys watch MORE tv last night while we had our first zoom “happy hour” with some of our dear friends, etc., etc. But I digress….
During breakfast I talked to the boys about using a safe word when mommy gets frustrated or upset. Sounds ridiculous, but I think the boys holding me accountable for my mood, in a kind way, could be helpful for me. I decided on “spaghetti.” Ha! Jake thought we should also say a rhyme or joke, which I thought was overkill, but he put it in practice later that morning: the boys were brushing their teeth and started to argue about who was using what stool (a frequent argument in this house) and I told them to use their words. Jake said “spaghetti…what do you call a three humped camel?” Josh and him started talking, and Jake said “wow, that worked really well.” I had to laugh. The joke helped diffuse the situation, which was pretty genius! I also had to explain that he couldn’t call spaghetti on me for everything, like asking him to flush the toilet.
Instead of jumping into our schedule and doing school work (which has become a loosing battle with Josh), we went to a neighbors house and decorated her sidewalk with chalk to wish her a happy birthday.
We did some art work in the front yard. I got supplies for a couple different ideas I saw in Pinterest…neither of which interested the boys in the least. They just did their thing, which I’m learning to accept and embrace.
We had to pick up some materials at Josh’s school, and his teacher was wearing a mask. On the way home, Josh asked me why she was wearing a mask. I explained that people wore it so they wouldn’t get sick or get other people sick. He then told me he needed a mask. My heart broke. I told him we don’t really go out anywhere, and the people that need them are people that are sick or work in hospitals. “But I need one so I don’t get everyone sick.” Oh my baby. I tried explaining that he wasn’t sick, that there aren’t really many available, that we really just need to wash our hands all the time, etc. He wouldn’t let it go until I told him I could try to make him one. As soon as we got home, he went and washed his hands without me asking him too. My heart aches for his worry.
The boys played together in the backyard for a bit, they played while they ate their lunch (which I usually fight), and have them each a warning about what we had to do next: nap time for Josh, school work for Jake. Neither was super excited, but it worked out. Jeff took the baby so I could put Josh down for a nap, then I helped Jake get through his work. It was a lot faster when I could sit with him and get through it, then when I’m trying to do multiple things and push him along, and get frustrated that he isn’t do it quicker on his own.
I’m glad that we tried a different schedule and a different pace. I’m not looking forward to the rainy and gloomy weather we have coming up-it makes such a difference to be able to enjoy the outdoor spaces in our house. But, hopefully changing up our routine every now and then will help out.
What’s working for you and your family? How are you trying to keep it all together?
Well, this could possibly be my last Summer Roundup since I won’t have Summer’s off anymore, so brace yourselves for a long (and very delayed) recount of our Summer.
We started off strong washing the car and using our imaginations with a cardboard box. The boys loved using their tools to make holes everywhere. Jake kept telling me he was making a window, which I thought he was playing pretend, only to turn around and realize that he had actually used his toy saw to LITERALLY cut through the cardboard and make a window, ha!
On week 2 of my vacation, we went on a nice little trail walk with some friends. I had found these awesome trail/hike checklists in the dollar section at Target, so I used some rubber bands to attach them to books, stuck a crayon through the rubber band, and each kid got to have one to check things off they saw along the way. It was also during this walk that I got the call from the District about interviewing for my current position, so my mind was already freaking out about my time with the boys.
Another adventure we went on that I’ve been wanting to check off the list for a while was the Newport Beach Back Bay.
I didn’t really have a clue where we were going, so I started at what I’m sure is a random point of the trail, at the foot of a canyon road. The view was great and we got to look for pretty cool stuff. There were also a couple people working in the wetlands, and Jake asked me what they were doing. I told him he should ask them to find out, which he did, in the most adorable way possible, and found out they were doing research on some snails, which wouldn’t you know, was one of the items on our checklist!
We walked more than was comfortable in the heat to a building that ended up being a closed science facility, and after some phone research realized the exciting building was all the way around the trail, so….we walked all the way to the car and drove around to the other side of the loop ;) The Muth Interpretive Center was pretty cool, and provided a nice little break from the sun. It also had a whole room of children’s activities, which was great until mommy started getting hangry and neither boy wanted to leave.
Towards the beginning of my break we also went on an excursion with Gran Gran to San Juan Capistrano. I always forget how nice it is to just walk around over there – even if you have nothing planned. The kids loved the playground, and grandma and I loved lunch at Sundried Tomato – yum! We ate on their outside patio and it was just a perfect day for it! We ended the day by walking around Mission San Juan Capistrano– the boys loved looking for the koi fish.
Another thing I got to check off my list was going to Balboa Island. I’ve always wanted to go and just walk around. It was a little harder going solo with two kids, but it was a nice morning out. The kids enjoyed a nice donut from one of the local shops, and absolutely LOVED the ferry ride to Newport. I’m so glad it was worth it, because the line to cross was LONG.
You see that first picture? That’s Jake not being impressed by anything that we’re doing. Which…when I’m exhausted from packing up the car, piling them in, taking them out, and trying to find something cool for them to do, just rubs me raw. Thankfully the attitude didn’t last too long….After the ferry crossing, we went to the beach and the boys got to play in some sand dunes, and I have no idea why Josh decided to start walking his bike that day instead of riding it, haha.
We also hit up the Discovery Cube – I’ve been wanting to go for a while since that cube is so iconic on the 5 freeway, and…they had a dinosaur exhibit! Jake just started getting into dinosaurs, so I really wanted to take him before the exhibit was over.
I will say…I think our visit was a little premature. For what it cost to get in (plus parking and a mediocre lunch in their cafeteria since I didn’t time things right and was STARVING and didn’t think I had the patience to walk to the car, load ’em up, and go somewhere else), it wasn’t worth taking them at these ages, or at least taking them by myself. Josh was Josh, so he was all over the place and not Mr. Safety about staying near me. This meant I couldn’t really spend time showing Jake all the stuff they had or explaining what the cool stuff did, or reading to him what everything meant. I was just constantly trying to make sure I didn’t lose either kid, haha.
I’m not saying they didn’t have cool things for the kids to do and see – but I think the money will be more worth it once Josh gets a little older and we can actually do some of the stuff they have, rather than walking around like crazy people.
We did our annual trip to Adventure Playground in Irvine, and the boys had a blast. I really wish I/we took them here more often – they have so much fun!
Jake never left the Legos – he made some friends and helped build a giant house that quickly became a safety hazard, haha. Josh went straight for the mud and had a blast! I did plan ahead on this one and we had a nice picnic on the lawn outside of the playground.
We also enjoyed a trip to the library, our annual visit to see Nina and have lunch at The Proud Bird while we watched the plans land and take off, visits from AZ family, and some pool time at Joy’s house.
We also enjoyed just being home. We hung out in the backyard and front yard when it wasn’t too hot. Painted rocks for our garden, and enjoyed our little pool.
The first picture above is Jake holding Josh while they watch a lizard. Because, you know…lizards are scary! The picture with the tricycle…they’re both using their tools to fix it – love it! The boys also got to look for June bugs at night with daddy – one of my favorite Summer moments but not pictured because there was too much naked butt from Josh. Speaking of Josh’s naked butt…
He spent a lot of time in just a shirt this Summer. I have some pretty great pictures but realized it’s not appropriate to publish pictures of my son’s naked butt. But trust me: they’re adorable! We tried unsuccessfully to potty train him this Summer…I think we were a little premature but I’m gonna give it another shot when I’m home for Thanksgiving. It was a lot of laundry and pee everywhere and sitting with him in the bathroom a lot reading A Potty for Me...and it’s frustrating that it was for naught, but I also didn’t want to push it too much and make him hate the bathroom. Jeff and I are so sick of changing those big boy poopy diapers…not to mention still having to buy diapers all the time.
Finally – I think I had a big breakthrough this Summer on letting things go. As much as we did in our shortened Summer, I had a lot more on our calendar, haha. From day one I told myself that just because something was on the calendar, it didn’t mean we had to do it, and I had to realize that not doing something didn’t count as a failure and that I should feel disappointed in myself for not doing it. It just meant I enjoyed doing other things with the boys that I didn’t need to plan or stress for. I think Jeff is the only one that might realize how huge that was for me to let go of, haha.
I was crazy enough to take on painting the toy room with the boys on my own. It was as stressful as I imagined it would be, but Jeff helped me finish it off and the boys enjoyed being a part of it. I sorted and organized more LEGO’s this Summer than I probably every will again, haha. Not sure if I already blogged about our toy room upgrades, but we bought this toy organizer for our LEGO’s and it worked out really great. Not that you could tell now, haha.
My goal now that I won’t have Summer’s off with the boys anymore is to incorporate the things we did then, during our weekends. Which is such a huge challenge. Weekends are already packed with laundry, groceries, home projects, now soccer for Josh on Saturday’s, and of course all the other things I commit ourselves to. But I really need to start making time to just DO stuff with the boys on a regular basis – rather than waiting until I have time off.
How do you make quality family time a reality on your weekends? What are you favorite Summer adventures?
I must say, 2018 is off to a good start! 2017 wasn’t bad to us, but it had a very rough start with all of us being sick, then me having pneumonia, then Jeff having hernia surgery…I feel like we didn’t really “start” our year until late April! This year, thanks to Josh being on antibiotics since last week, we’re all healthy and ready to start 2018 with a fresh start!
A high school friend and fellow blogger said it best on her blog yesterday: “I feel like life hit the reset button.” Yep. I know the shimmer and hope of the new year will fade away quickly once the daily routine sets back in, but for now: hello sunshine! Hello plans to be a more patient and understanding mother! Hello home projects! Hello plans to be more adventurous! Hello goal setting (more date nights, more family quality time, more, more more..)! And maybe most importantly…hello new planner! :-P
And I must say…2018 started off great. I accepted a last minute job for a New Year’s Eve wedding (I actually had a ceremony on Saturday, a ceremony on Sunday morning, and coordinated this wedding on Sunday night-yeah!), so I didn’t get to ring in the New Year with Jeff, and wasn’t in bed until 2:00 a.m. Which….for me…is REALLY late. However, my internal clock is awful to me, so I was still awake by 6:30 a.m….but refused to let myself get out of bed. Jake came to our bed and after I wished him a happy new year he said “Happy New Year to you too!” which just sounded so adorable. Jeff has always been great about taking care of the boys in the morning after I work a late wedding, so he took Josh to the kitchen once Josh started yelling at us: “Eat! Eat! EAT!!!”
Jake had fallen back asleep, and when he woke up he said “Wake up mommy, it’s a beautiful day!” *swoon* I heard Jeff making coffee, which: OMG. I’m the daily coffee maker in the house, and it’s always SO GREAT when someone else makes it. I was a little surprised he didn’t bring me a cup of coffee once it was done (I know I’m spoiled, he’s amazing), but figured Josh was keeping him busy. A few minutes later I hear Josh coming down the hallway, and then Jeff walked in with a breakfast tray. Yes ladies and gentlemen (gentleman?), there were happy tears. I love breakfast. I love when I don’t have to make breakfast (which isn’t often since I’m always up before everyone else). This was huge. Of course, I had to share with a certain someone who wouldn’t keep his grubby hands off my food…
He’s cute enough that I shared.
We then started cleaning up all our Christmas decor, and taking the ornaments off our tree was the perfect family “teamwork” scenario that is now starting to happen a little more frequently as Joshy gets older. Jeff was in charge of getting the ornaments off the tree, then he’d had them to Josh (unless they were super fragile…c’mon, we’re not idiots), who would hand them to Jake, who would hand them to me for packing and storage. We were done in record time and my heart was so happy. Josh wasn’t happy about me putting this guy in a box though:
As a side note: I’ve had that reindeer since I was nine years old, when my mom sent it to me when I was spending a Christmas in Guatemala with my grandmother.
We then grabbed lunch, then Home Depot for some home project supplies and way too many plants.
Jake has been SO EXCITED to have his cousin in town <3.
We went back home and got to work. Jake was helping me with some plants, and I don’t know if it was the lighting, or the solace of this moment alone with him, but he just looked so perfect and beautiful and I wanted to capture that moment forever. He had mentioned earlier to me that one day he was going to get bigger and have to leave me and go on his own (we’ve had these conversations before), and we both said how we would miss each other, so maybe having that at the forefront of my mind made me extra emotional: my little guy is growing up so fast! So I had to capture the moment.
Jake also helped daddy take down the Christmas lights, which has become a tradition of theirs:
The older boys went and got ice cream while Joshy and I took a nap. Then Jake come home super upset because daddy didn’t pick the flowers Jake wanted for grandma, so we talked it out and he decided to buy her the flowers he wanted with this own money. We opened up his piggy bank (which is actually a Chase Paw Patrol bank…) and went back to Ralphs so he could pick his flowers. I then took him to Starbucks and we had some nice quality time together, which I’ve been wanting for so long.
We rounded up the evening having dinner with grandma Linda, grandpa, and Brayden, to celebrate grandma’s birthday. It was the perfect ending to the perfect first day.
I recently got back from an almost one-week, kid-free, trip to Florida. I was fortunate enough to be in the bridal party for one of my best friend’s weddings, and it was amazing.
A few observations from my trip:
Flying as a mom, and without your children, is now terrifying. I hadn’t been on a plane since our trip to Germany in 2012, so it’s obviously been a while. I’ve never been afraid of flying, but I was pretty close to panicking on that first take off. I kept thinking “I have kids…what will they do without me if something happens? How does this thing even stay in the air?! so many things can go wrong!!!” In talking to fellow mommies that I was rooming with I realized I wasn’t alone. It still amazes me how much motherhood/parenting can change you.
Uber can be strange. I’m a married mother of two living on Orange County, so I don’t think it’s too much of a surprise that I’ve never used uber before. I took my first uber from the airport in Tampa to our resort. The driver was asking me for relationship advice before I buckled in, and shared how his ex had just filed a restraining order against him just as he was getting pulled over. Thankfully the rest of our uber drivers for the week were much less….blog-worthy?
Alone time is great. I’m not gonna lie, one of the things I was looking forward to the most on this trip (other than obviously celebrating my amazing friend and her husband!) was being alone on a plane and reading, ha! I’ve been doing audible lately but I’ve really missed reading reading (that’s not a typo). I finished my Literate Lushes book on my two flights to Florida, plus the end of my awkward uber trip (“uhhh…is it ok if I finish reading my book real quick?”). I had a second book for the way home, but it wasn’t as exciting so I still have quite a bit to go on that one. I also really enjoyed some solo time on the balcony of our suite, just looking out at the golf course, drinking my coffee, and thinking thoughts. The one day that we didn’t have much planned, I decided to go exploring on my own and was so proud of myself for doing so. I ended my adventure by drinking a solo-beer next to the water, and it was amazing. I forget how much we/I need this time…which is so hard to come by in the madness and routine of home and kids.
True Friends are Awesome, and so are their Friends. And life stuff. I met Sheena in college, and from the moment I met her, I’ve admired and respected her to no end. She’s an amazing human being with so many professional accomplishments that I couldn’t even begin to list them. I’ve sometimes wondered why she’s kept me around, haha. Since graduating, we’ve never lived in the same place, not even the same state, really, so our friendship is one of those that has survived the test of time and distance. We both make the effort whenever she is in LA visiting family, and I think that’s a huge part of it: we both recognize each other’s importance enough to make the extra effort when we can. It’s no surprise that her friends are equally as amazing. I know Sheena has high standards for who she keeps around (I imagine all her friendships are equally as difficult to maintain since everyone lives all over the place-so she truly values those she keeps around), and I’ve been lucky enough to meet many of them through the course of my friendship with Sheena. I was truly honored to be among such great women: not only professionally (from a state senator, a diplomat, to an OB, to a college professor, etc.), but also just a human beings–they were all super kind and considerate, and every single one of them was willing to lend a hand when needed. It is times like these where I feel slightly insecure and wish I could honestly say I’m still an attorney. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job for where I am in life right now–the flexibility and time off with the kids is so great–but I know it’s not my end point. My major flaw is that I’ve never had the drive or sacrifice to “reach for the stars.” That shit takes work and I’ve never been able to fully commit. I’m hoping life gives me lots of years to keep exploring and get to the point where I feel like I’ve reached my full potential.
Coming back ain’t easy. I thought I would come back home from this trip feeling refreshed and invigorated and ready to be super mom again. I don’t think it took more than five minutes on Monday morning for me to see how wrong I was. I got way too used to not having to feed kids and change diapers and force an almost four year old to brush his teeth. I know: my kids are adorable and awesome. Yes, you’re right. BUT, they’re also normal, haha. So Jake is pushing boundaries and I have to say his name 5 times, with the final “JACOB. WYATT. ARMSTRONG!” before he even cares to glance up, and everything is “I can’t” or “why” or “but just a liiiiiiiittle bit longer?” And Josh is my Josh. He never stops. Never stops moving. Never stops putting shit in his mouth. Never stops opening drawers he shouldn’t be opening (oh child proofing you say? Yeah, I should try that!). I also came back to several scheduled doctor’s appointments which meant I had to get them ready and out the door early. Today I decided to cancel my original summer plan for the day, and just take it easy, and it was amazing. Maybe some times I can just be mom, and not super mom, and we’ll all be a little more sane because of it.
It takes a village…and a really great husband. If you’re wondering who was watching the kids that whole time…it was Jeff. He took time off from work and stayed home with them, and ROCKED the stay-at-home dad gig. I also came home to a clean home, and to a husband who appreciates all the little things I do for our family. *swoon*
See, this is the problem with not blogging often…every blog turns into a novel. Sorry. As a reward for making it this far:
Read this if you want to cry happy tears. Someone I know is being a surrogate for one of her best friends, and it’s just happy heart emojies and googly eyes everywhere.
The book I couldn’t put down on the plane is The Song of Achilles, by Madelline Miller. It’s such a great book! Love, war, and obviously Greek tragedy. Woof.
Recently it’s been harder and harder to get Jake to do the things we have to do everyday: brush your teeth, let’s get dressed, it’s time for a bath. “I don’t want to!” He’s 3. I get it. But still…someone give this kid a chill pill before I lose it.
We bribe Jake all the time. I’m not gonna deny it, and I won’t dance around the subject. We’ve done it ever since he started [not] eating regular food. He’s a terrible eater, to the point that I worry about his health and growth (we actually have an appointment with a specialist in a couple weeks), so yeah, if I have to bribe him with a cookie to take two bites of chicken, I’ll do it. It works well…until he decides he doesn’t want the cookie and my leverage disappears into thin air.
But I digress. One morning as I’m trying to figure out how to bribe him to brush his teeth so it doesn’t turn into a crying and screaming affair, I bribed him with some stickers I remembered I had in my craft desk. Here’s the funny thing about Jake: most of the time…if I don’t remind him about the prize he’s earned after his task, he forgets about the prize and just does whatever I ask him to do. But I feel shitty cheating him that way, so 99% of the time, if I remember, I give him the reward anyway.
So yeah, I offered him stickers and then forgot to give them to him, and the next day when I wanted to bribe him with stickers again to brush his teeth, I realized I had forgotten to give him his sticker yesterday, then I had to double down and offer him TWO stickers, one for yesterday, and for today.
But a lightbulb went off…what if I had stickers every day to bribe him with for all the things I want him to do? Like….A CHORE CHART! TA-DA! Totally unique, never been done before. So I started brainstorming and looking around online. I found a couple on Etsy that I liked, but weren’t EXACTLY what I wanted.
Here’s what I wanted:
Something that showed the days of the week, with images so he can associate the day of the week with a routine that happens that day (like a trash truck on trash day)
A way to track completed chores for the week, in a way that I can re-use the same chart every week (VELCRO!)
“Markers” that would be attractive to Jake
I couldn’t quite find something on Etsy that met all my requirements, especially since I wanted the days of the week to be pretty customized anyway. So I decided to design one myself. For each day of the week I put a picture to associate with that day of the week: for Mondays, a picture of my mom since she watches the boys on Mondays, and a picture of my in-laws on Tuesday since that’s when they start watching them. Wednesday has a trash can because that’s the day we take out the trash. Thursday has a garbage truck because that’s trash day. Friday has a street sweeper and a picture of Sarah, who watches the boys on Fridays. And Saturday and Sunday has a picture of Jeff and I, since we’re home those days.
For the markers, I knew they would have to be construction trucks. It was almost by accident, but Jake helped me google images and picked out most of the markers himself, which is great because he’s that much more invested and excited about them. I will say, I printed a couple pages of black and white ones because I wasn’t sure I’d have enough to fill the chart if things went well, but had to just get rid of them because he refused to pick the black and white ones, ha!
I also did a google image searches for each of the chores so there would be a visual for each chore. At one point I googled “cereal clipart” and then I went to google “bath clipart” but instead I googled “cereal bath.” That’s a thing. Most of the images are NOT pretty.
Anyhow…I’m not gonna lie, printing, cutting, laminating, and cutting all those tiny markers was a lot a work. But we’re a few weeks in now and it’s been helping A LOT. Brushing his teeth has become much more bearable now that he knows he’ll get a sticker once he’s done, not to mention getting dressed. I also included all three meal times, which it just struck me that this is not a “chore” and not something most people would include on a chore chart, but for Jake, it IS a chore and although not 100% successful in these areas, I do think using the stickers as a reward has helped a little bit. It’s also helping us teach him the value of saving: he get’s a quarter a day if he gets enough stickers, and he knows that if he gets enough quarters, he can buy himself a toy. It’s hard for him to understand why he can’t have that toy NOW, but we’re getting there :)
I’ve been simultaneously wanting to write this blog and also putting it off for quite some time now. I want to write it because I want other moms to know that it’s ok to feel like shit, or feel like you’re not doing a good job, or feel like you’re gonna lose your shit. Hormones are a bitch. Ok, enough foul language. I’ve also been putting it off because I feel like this one’s going to be a long one, and I’m not sure how well I can put into words what that experience was like. Also, I’m sure about five thousand other moms have written similar blogs. But I’m too lazy to do a quick Google search to corroborate; and I don’t want to see that my blog post is completely unnecessary, haha.
I noticed from the very beginning of my pregnancy that things weren’t going to be as rose-colored and full of excitement as they were when we were pregnant with Jake. I was apprehensive during most of my pregnancy: how will this new baby change our wonderful dynamic? How will this affect Jake and all the love and time I’m able to give him? I was almost jealous of the baby FOR Jake, which is crazy, right?
Then there were the challenges of being pregnant but not having the down time or comforts I had when I was pregnant with Jake. Back then, we were living with my in-laws, and at the beginning of my pregnancy I was self employed, so lots of down time, and no need to cook or clean or anything other than keeping myself and this growing baby alive and healthy. My pregnancy was a piece of cake! When I did start working, I would come home after work and fall asleep on the couch while my amazing mother-in-law cooked dinner for all of us. Are you jealous yet? I don’t blame you…. This time, I had a house to look after, a toddler to run after, and a full time job that required a lot more energy. I just didn’t have the time or energy to really take it all in and enjoy it. The things I loved about my pregnancy with Jake were almost a hindrance with my pregnancy with Josh – feeling Josh move around constantly was at times just uncomfortable and got in the way of getting things done at work. Not to say there weren’t also times when that happened that I also LOVED-usually at the end of the day when I was sitting on the couch next to Jeff and we could both just live in the moment for a sec.
I remember so clearly and vividly the moment when I was saying good bye to Jake right before we went to the hospital to have Josh. I started crying immediately. I’m getting teary eyed right now just remembering that moment. He was so clueless about what was going to happen, but I was so, so, SO aware of how different things would be the next time I saw him. I knew it wouldn’t be all about him anymore, I knew I would never have that kind of undivided attention for him anymore, and it broke my heart.
And I was right. When Jeff brought Jake to the hospital to meet Josh, I was a nervous wreck. Granted, I had just gone through some pretty crazy shit giving birth to Josh (sans epidural, without choice, haha), and I had this tiny little baby in my arms that I was trying to connect with and bond with, while also trying to keep a 2.5 year old from squishing him to death. I was painfully relieved when Jeff took Jake home. We had to stay in the hospital under observation for an extra day, and although that felt like eternity, in retrospect it was great because it was the only true quality time I had to spend with Josh, ALONE. I got to stare at his face and hold him and squeeze him and stare at his face some more.
Then we got home. The hormones. Geez, the hormones. So the hormones made me feel like a crazy woman, I thought Josh hated me–I would spend all day feeding him and changing his diaper (and Jake’s, we were in the middle of potty training, which let me tell you…NOT good timing, haha), and get nothing, then dad would get home and get the biggest smiles. Let’s just say, that didn’t go over very well with me, haha. I found that with all the distractions of toddler and home, it was really hard for me to connect with Josh those first few months. It makes you feel like a terrible mother, honestly.
And man, the guilt. THE GUILT. It’s awful. I felt just awful that Jake had to wait, and hold on, and I have to do this first, and Josh needs, and I have to change Josh’s diaper, and “Jake, why are you so whiny?!” (in retrospect, it was pretty obvious why he was so whiny).
I remember having to go on nap drives for Jake–he wouldn’t fall asleep for his nap any other way. So I would have to drive around and around, which, you know, was inconvenient and a waste of gas, but doable. But with a newborn, it was madness. Josh wasn’t quite used to the car seat, and wasn’t as fond of it as Jake was when Jake was a baby. So from the moment I got them in the car to the moment I got them out, my back was so tense from stressing out and trying to keep Josh calm long enough for Jake to fall asleep. Once Jake was asleep, then I had to get them both out of the car. I would unload Josh first and leave him in the living room while I got Jake out and put him in his bed, at which point Josh would already be screaming for me to get him out of his car seat, and how, oh how could I leave him there for two minutes?! Oh man. Come to find out after I went back to work, that all I had to do was ask Jake to take his nap in his bed, and apparently that would have resolved that issue, ha!
Bed time was tricky and extremely difficult for me for the first two weeks, at least. I used to put Jake to sleep, but it was so hard to do when it was also the winding down time of the witching hour and Josh was super needy for me. I remember laying in bed with one baby crying and the other clinging to me and trying to get on me, and looking at Jeff who just didn’t know how to help (there was really nothing he could do), and I remember looking at him and silently crying and saying “I can’t do this.” God bless that man for keeping me sane.
Bed time was also the culmination of a long day of being sleep deprived, and looking forward to another night of waking up every two hours (that part hasn’t changed much, nine months later). I had never experienced that kind of sleep deprivation before, and how it just messes with your mind, not to mention erodes your patience. With the first kid, you can usually sneak in some naps with him or at least take it easy during the day. But when there’s a toddler running around, that’s not quite an option anymore. So you just keep going and going and not sleeping and not sleeping. It’s no fun for your body!
In October we went camping around Lake Arrowhead for a night, and I don’t know if it was just being away from the house and chores and not having so many distractions, but I remember coming home and realizing that I finally felt a good connection with Josh. I had spent a lot of time with him in a ring sling or the carrier, so maybe we just had some good bonding time, but I definitely see that as the turning point of things. We definitely have a routine now that helps keep us all sane, although it’s also a little INsane to do the same routine day in and day out, but I can honestly say that I can’t imagine my life without both of these boys. Josh is full of smiles and giggles and rolls, and Jake is the sweetest and kindest big brother, even if he’s not fond of sharing his toys.
It still breaks my heart a little bit when Jake goes to Jeff for something that he normally would have asked me for, but I can’t blame him for it-I’ve had to turn him away so many times because there are still things that I have to do for and with Josh, that just don’t allow me the time with Jake. I do miss Jake terribly at times, and although I’m in love with Josh and love my moments with him, I’m looking forward to the day when Josh is old enough that I can split my time with them a little more evenly.
So this was the bad and the ugly, just so everyone doesn’t think it’s all roses and butterflies, BUT, the bad and the ugly don’t last forever. One great thing about this being our second child was that we KNEW, with absolute certainty, that that stage wouldn’t last forever. The witching hour evenings wouldn’t last forever. The up all night feedings won’t last forever (although that’s gone on way longer that it should have). The hormones won’t make you feel crazy forever. And as long as you can keep your eye on that faint light at the end of the tunnel….you’ll be rewarded with sunshines and butterflies for days on end.
Well, it’s been a while again, hasn’t it? I was reading someone else’s family blog and realized I miss writing about my own little family and all the stuff I/we’ve been up to. So, in the free minutes I have, here’s what’s been going on:
Meeting my dad. The biggie is that I met my dad and his family for the first time last month. I found him last year around October or so. It was weird: I came in to work and searched an Obama speech that I wanted to listen to, saw an ad at the bottom about finding people, entered my dad’s name as I occasionally do on generic web searches, one thing led to another, and boom, all the dots were connecting. It felt a little like this, to be honest…
Which reminded me of this..
Anyhow…it was a bit of a bombshell for my three sisters, and things have taken time to develop, but the boys and I headed to Arizona last month to visit some of Jeff’s family so I decided to take the leap and see if they were ready to meet. I’m so glad they were. Jeff, the boys, and I went over to their house for lunch and it was really nice to get to meet them each in person and get to know them a little better. Unlike my expectation, it wasn’t awkward, but I do think it was a little emotionally tense: trying to figure out our comfort levels and boundaries (too soon to hug? do I call him dad? what do we tell Jake?), and I think most of us were a little nervous about how it would go. Thankfully it went well enough that we all want to see each other again and get to know each other, although the distance does make that a little challenging.
One thing I didn’t think about when I reached out to them last year were the ripples. I’ll admit I was selfish and just thought of myself and that I had a “right” to reach out to my dad. I didn’t think about the girls and what that would put them through. Or my mom and how she would feel (although I did give her a heads up that I had found them and again when I decided to meet them). Or my aunts and cousins. I really hadn’t considered how this would affect so many people, and in every sense that has been the most challenging aspect of this journey.
When I found him and when I met him, people kept asking how I was doing and how I was feeling…I think expecting a hot emotional mess. I think we’re all dealing a little with the “what if’s” that I was starting to come to terms with a few years ago, but over all it’s been very non-dramatic. Maybe it’s because I haven’t been holding on to any resentment or bitterness for the last 33 years, but I’ve been fine. I’m honestly just excited to meet my dad and his family and get to know them. I have an amazing family as is, so if meeting them hadn’t worked out, it would have been a bummer but thankfully I have a wonderful and supportive family already, so my risk was non-existent. Finding my dad and his family is icing on the cake. And I mean, who doesn’t love icing, right? But this cake is pretty delicious by itself also :) But I have to admit, I’m pretty excited about getting to know each of them.
Phew, maybe that should have been a separate blog post, haha, but let’s move on to some less intense updates.
Cooking. I’ve never been a huge fan of cooking. My grandma cooked for us every day and did it solo (I just snuck in to steal tomatoes), and my mom was a lone wolf in the kitchen as well. It was something that needed to get done, food had to be put on the table, and that was that. Except for annual tamale making around Christmas, cooking isn’t really family tradition for me, or something that I’ve grown up learning. So it’s a chore. And one that became even more daunting when Jake starting eating adult food (man, I really wish he would eat-he’s a terrible eater), and cooking “healthy” food became even more important. Throughout our entire relationship (ten years now!), Jeff and I have talked about eating better and exercising regularly. The exercising hasn’t stuck, but there’s something about someone’s life depending on you that makes you want to only do the best by him. I’m not saying we shop at Whole Foods and are vegan, but we try to cook at home more which I count as a success.
The routine of work, home, dinner, clean up, bath time, bedtime, is exhausting, repetitive, and…less than thrilling. Up until recently I really dreaded cooking. I felt like it took me away from hanging out with the boys or doing something more productive or exciting around the house. Thankfully Jeff has always liked my cooking, and recently he’s loved it. And I think that’s made a huge difference in how I approach cooking. I love making food that my family loves (Jake loves my cornbread…that’s about it, but I’ll take it for now). I love the praise I get from Jeff when I cook, and I love knowing that my family is eating something healthier than eating out constantly. Maybe not in the sense of healthy food (we eat more than our fair share of southern, fried stuff…), but at least I know there aren’t a ton of preservatives in it!
So as of last week, I’m enjoying cooking! Buying groceries every week though….ew.
Gilmore Girls. I just finished watching the new episodes of Gilmore Girls. My mom came over after Thanksgiving so we could watch it together since it was our thing when the show was on, but man, throw a toddler and a baby into the mix and we paused the episode so many times and I yelled at Jake so many other times, that I was exhausted and thankful when the first credits rolled up. I’ve managed to watch the rest after I put Josh to sleep and during my pumping sessions at work, and finished up last night. It wasn’t all perfect, but I have to say, I loved the imperfection of Rory’s life. Not all of us land that dream job, even if we were smart and ambitious at one point. I found it refreshing, maybe because it reflects my life a little: sometimes you don’t get exactly what you thought you wanted, but you get so much more!
The moment you’ve all been waiting for: The boys. The boys are doing great :) The first two-three months of Josh’s life were hard. HARD. This blog is getting pretty lengthy so I’ll save my pearls of wisdom of those first three months for a separate blog post, but thankfully now we’ve all gotten into our new regular of being a family of four. Josh is still keeping me up at night a lot (nursing every 2-3 hours, not awake and screaming, thankfully), but I’m also a sissy about sleep training, so I guess it’s my own fault. Other than that, he’s great. He’s pulling himself up everywhere, he’s mastered the army crawl, and really likes to be walked around everywhere now. I’m sure he’ll be walking in no time! He loves to give me open mouth, wet, kisses, and he is so so happy when I get home, it truly makes my heart happy. He’s constantly smiling, and has the most amazing crinkle nose smile!
And Jake. What can I say without sounding like “that” mother? He’s truly an amazing child. I mean it. He uses words like “frustrated,” “comfortable,” “area,” and “vehicle” to name a few. And he uses them all correctly! He knows plurals, and when to use us/them/their/me. He can have a lengthy discussion with you about his toys and the latest Tayo episode. And those are my favorite moments. When he is so excited about something that he just goes on and on and on. And he’s so sweet and kind, and always willing to lend a hand (and…and…and…). I love the relationships he has with his grandparents, and he loves them each so dearly. Things I don’t love: how hard it is to get him to eat, his dry skin/allergies, his quickness to get angry/frustrated with toys, how often he says “I’m mad” or asks “are you happy?” He’s always concerned about our happiness and making sure we’re not upset, haha.
Jeff. I know this blog is way too long already, but I can’t leave Jeff out. I truly, honestly, can’t imagine my life without him. Believe it or not, I get moody. A lot. My mom knows. And Jeff knows. And they both still love me the same and are amazing support people for me.
This parenting thing is no joke, but I am so blessed to be able to do it with a man that is patient, understanding, considerate, loving, etc., etc., etc. For example, last night at the dinner table he noticed that I forgot to get a glass of water, so he got one for me. I mean, he was already sitting down eating his food, trying to get Jake to eat, and NOTICED that. Insert heart googly eyes here.
I also love our parenting system: I love that it’s not a 50-50 in the sense that we have to split everything down the middle, we just work within our strengths and weaknesses. And it works for us.
Ok, I’ll let you all resume your normal daily activities. I really am going to try to blog more frequently so each blog doesn’t become a mini-novela.
Christmas Eve, just before midnight, found me at my aunt’s house, laying on a blow up mattress in the dark with my husband and 16 month old baby (I still can’t bring myself to call him a toddler…). As I lay there listening to my cousins take shots and yell out which song they should play next, and my aunts laughing as they exchanged stories, I couldn’t help but laugh.
I was super shy when I was little. Even around my family. So our Christmas Eve midnight celebration was sometimes too much for me to handle, I would just get overwhelmed and feel super uncomfortable. I specifically remember one year running to the exact same room in my aunt’s house and laying on the bunk bed in the dark, and crying. Not a crazy, emotional sob, but just, I dunno, “I”m really uncomfortable” crying, does that make any sense? I still can’t understand why I felt this way, I mean, I love my family and they’re all great, so I don’t understand why I would feel so shy and introverted around them.
Anyhow, here I am, decades later, in the same exact room, in the dark, at the same time of the year, but this time I’m trapped in here because of my son, who obviously was very tired and needed to sleep (and also wasn’t feeling well), but couldn’t quite stay asleep with all the celebrations going on outside the room. I had to laugh that when I was little I voluntarily secluded myself, and years later here I was just wanting to be outside this darn room, but couldn’t because dammit, I’m an adult now with responsibilities. It was funny to me how some things change, and some don’t.
Finca Cielo Azul 