I was maybe eight or nine when my grandma told me I could be an ambassador when I grew up.  I was living with her in Guatemala at the time, and it seemed like a perfect crossover for a U.S. citizen, passionate about Guatemala or other countries.  Good grades came easily to me – I almost always got A’s and some B’s, and in Guatemala was always in the “cuadro de honor” for my class (top 4 of my classroom).  I embraced leadership positions at an early age, and loved being involved in activities (just not the sports ones, ha!).

The combination of all of this, I think, set me up for the idea that I would become someone extraordinary as an adult: a leader, a presenter, a change maker, and I’ll admit that at eight or nine, sure, I thought I could save the world.  I recently talked to a friend of mine who is absolutely KILLING IT in her career.  She said: “Alex, I know this sounds cheesy, but I know this is what I was born to do.”  Who doesn’t want to have the feeling?

Fast forward a few decades (gah!), and I work as an administrative secretary in my local school district.  It’s a great job by many standards: we’re finally experiencing some sort of financial stability, benefits are great, I have a pension plan and accidental death insurance (those are big adult things!), paid vacation, it’s down the street from home, and most importantly: it’s flexible and understanding with our family schedule (SO huge).

Up until a year or so ago, I kept having this feeling that I was underperforming in my professional life, not reaching my full potential.  I still get jealous when I see acquaintances on Facebook attending big important conferences, or being presenters in their field.  I want to be doing a TEDx presentation!  Although when I stop and think about it, I have NO IDEA what I would talk about.  I sometimes think: I want to be the person in the meeting making the decisions, not the person taking the minutes for the meeting.  But five minutes later I’ve booked that person’s calendar for five meetings and see that they have a gazillion “important” unread emails in their inbox, and realize, eh, I prefer being able to clock out on time every day!

What I’ve been trying to come to terms with lately is that it’s ok not to be the over achiever.  So many more people around me (not in the Facebook universe) live completely “normal” lives, doing the standard Life thing of working and raising children.  And why isn’t that enough?  Maybe if it’s not enough, it should be enough for now while our kiddos are small and I should embrace what’s right in front of me.  I’ve seen moms re-join the workforce after being stay at home moms for ten plus years….this isn’t all of it, but it’s a stage of our lives that I want to embrace and live fully.

I dread looking back at these years and realizing that I was always looking for something else, wanting to be doing something different, be somewhere else.  And in the meantime, our boys grew up with a mom that was never fully present.

So for now…I’m trying to shift my perspective and make my family and our home my priority.  I’ve let go of several leadership positions and extracurricular involvements in the past two years, and I will admit it’s been great to be able to focus on our home, and be around more for the boys (although I do miss being involved in those activities and the difference I was able to make in them).  I love not being torn in five directions constantly.

And I do think I can still be a change maker where I am, just in smaller ways.  I do think I make a difference at work with those around me, whether it’s by doing my job well and making theirs easier, or by asking how their weekend was and giving them an opportunity to share something non-work related, or by re-doing our bulletin board and giving everyone something pretty to look at while they make copies.

I recently received an email from a co-worker that said: “Thank you for all you do for me!…I so appreciate your support and tolerance.  I really enjoy working with you!  Your sense of humor keeps me going.  Thanks for being you!”

It honestly made my day.  Maybe I don’t have the conviction that my friend has that what I’m “working”on is what I was born to do, but I do think I was born to help those around me, and I have to remind myself that sometimes that can come in the smallest, every day actions.

What about you?  Is where you are today different then where you’d thought you’d be?